


If you don't love me, pretend (just for a few more hours)...

by Khrat9



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8963755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khrat9/pseuds/Khrat9
Summary: Kara Danvers had been a recent development she never saw coming. They weren’t friends. Lena didn’t like to blur the lines; she made a point to be professional with everyone in her workspace and especially reporters, however cute they may be. Au : where Kara and Lena aren't friends. One night stands... but like several night per month, sometime more.





	1. I wanna dance with somebody

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! English is not my first language so all mistake are my own. I'm very sorry if the lack of grammar can be offending for some. I hope it's good. Listen to the song, it's good ! Enjoy !

 

 

 _Clock strikes upon the hour_  
_And the sun begins to fade_  
_Still enough time to figure out_  
_How to chase my blues away_  
_I’ve done alright up ‘til now_  
_It’s the light of day that shows me how_  
_And when the night falls_  
_Loneliness calls._

 **Bootstraps** – _I wanna dance with somebody._

 

 

Lena sighed as Jess closed the door behind her.

 

It was the end of the day and beside Marcus the security guard stationed at the front desk and Joe the janitor somewhere in the building; Lena was alone. L.Corp always felt heavier at this time of day when there was no one around for her to maintain the CEO persona she had by now perfected. It was so much easier to pretend when they were people around.

 

She was familiar with the waltz of phone calls and meetings, paperwork and press conferences. It was easy not to crumble under the weight of the Luthor name when she had people coming in and out of her office, reports to check, prototypes to validate, endless paper to sign. It made it easier to forget how much she felt like a fraud in her own skin.

 

Lena was tired. There was still so much to do. The company had lost an investor today. They hadn’t shared her vision. Stuck in the old ways of Luthor Corp, they refused Lena’s change of policy. They both wanted to produce defensive technologies but Lena had wanted to orient her research toward protection: defensive type shields, armors for the government that could withstand alien’s attacks. Anything that could give the humans a chance of survival against the brute force they were witnessing more and more each day. While Lex’s old partners were still aiming for an offensive type of technology, believing that the best defense was to attack first. Lena knew she was toeing a fine line. The alien detection device was a fine example of that want for protection and aggressive transgression of people’s right. Her hands were bounds; Lena had been forced to compromise. In spite of being CEO, changing the name of the company and moving cities; Lena was very much at the mercy of those old sharks that still hold an influence over the funding of the company. They were waiting for her to make a mistake, scheming behind her back to get the company back under her brother’s vision. Lena knew she had to get rid of those vultures if she truly wanted to change things around.

 

What they didn’t know was that Lena was a patient woman. She knew how to pick her fights; she never revealed her hand before making a move and by the time they realized something had changed, it would be too late. Lena had already put everything in motion, leaving them behind to catch up. She was good at playing these types of games and even though her mother and Lex might never acknowledge it; Lena knew she made a damn good Luthor. All these years under the Luthor’s household had taught her to be cunning, relentless, cut-throat and proud. If anything, Lex’s attempts on her life were the best acknowledgements she could hope for. She was now a worthy opponent, a threat big enough for him to ignore or brush aside. Like he often did when they were kids, she was always the one chasing him, begging him to include her in his games and she always was so happy when he would nod, giving her pieces of Lego for them to build planes and castles.

 

It had pained her to realize that he had not loved her as much as she had loved him. The memories they shared and that she still cherished was not enough to deter him from his destructive path. She had tried so hard to help him, steer him back to her, to the genius, hopeful boy he used to be. She had been burned by his intensity, the madness she could read in his eyes when he couldn’t bent something to his will. She witnessed, first hand, the long hours he spent in his lab trying to recreate Superman’s abilities in pieces of technology. And when he couldn’t, she had, in a misguided sense of loyalty, turned blind eyes on his experimentations, his weapons laced with a green substance that could bring a Super down. His obsession with Superman was too great to be reasoned with, his quest for power too consuming to hear the pleas of his sister. Lena had watched helplessly the first person who had made her feel loved and less alone descends into a kind of feverish madness but she had refused to fall with him. Lena left and severed all ties with Lex. Lena understood now, that she couldn’t change anyone. Sometimes people are just bad. The only thing she could do was to protect herself.

 

Lena Luthor was a force to be reckoned with. A Luthor never gives up. A Luthor never falter. To be a Luthor is to be a weapon made sharp, cold steel and deadly aim. They fought with all they had, their blood singing with rage in the sunlight, challenging the world until their last breath. The power, the shame, the ambition and loneliness were always more bearable in the light of day when she had everything to prove, when everything had to be build back up from scratch.

 

Lena turned toward her window and watched the last sunlight slowly fade away from National City, taking away all of her strength, all of the heat. Lena dreaded the darkness of the night and the cold she could feel settle deeply inside her bones.

 

Past midnight, Lena could no longer justify staying in her office. Everything was in order for the next day, reports signed, numbers checked and sent away to the finance department. She left, waving a quick goodnight to Marcus and asked her chauffeur to drive to her apartment. The silence was oppressing. It made her nervous, Lena look at her phone debating if it was too late to call a certain reporter.

 

Kara Danvers had been a recent development she never saw coming. They weren’t friends. Lena didn’t like to blur the lines; she made a point to be professional with everyone in her workspace and especially reporters, however cute they may be. Their numerous encounters and interviews always felt charged. There was a sense of danger, a thrill thrumming in her veins every time Lena saw her. It felt like a dance. The pushing and the pulling. Kara Danvers came into her building exuding so much warmth, Lena felt drawn like a moth to a flame.

 

Lena was no fool. She knew that as soon as the night falls, she would cave in. She craved Kara’s warmth too much to delude herself into thinking she had any other choice but to surrender.

 

“Goodnight, Miss Luthor,” said her chauffeur as he opened the car door for her, offering his hand to help her step out of the car. Lena was so lost in her thoughts; she hadn’t realized they were already in front of her building. Luke had been her chauffeur as long as she could remember; he was from the military, coming back from duty looking for a job. It was Lionel Luthor that had assigned him to her when she was twelve and went away to boarding school. He’d been her chauffeur/bodyguard ever since. Lena took his hand gratefully, squeezing it fondly. “Thank you, Luke. Goodnight.”

  
Lena dialed Kara’s number as soon as she reached her floor, waiting anxiously for the reporter to answer. They never defined their relationship. As much as she tried to convince herself that she didn’t care, Lena always feared that Kara would stop answering her call. Lena didn’t call often. Maybe once every two weeks when she could no longer ignore the cold gripping her heart and was desperate for the light and warmth Kara seemed to exude in quantity. She just wanted to bask in it. Kara had yet to refuse her call.

 

Lena opened the door of her apartment. It was dark and too big for one person. The harsh and gripping cold closed around her throat. “Lena?” The air around her suddenly got warmer as Kara’s voice rushed over her.

 

Lena smiled. “Hi,” she exhaled softly like a confession. A white flag. Lena knew she didn’t have to say anything else. Kara would understand her terms of surrender. Lena was no longer a weapon; she was just Lena, a being full of want, need and longing.

 

“I’ll be here in ten,” Kara said quickly. Lena heard the rustling of fabric before the reporter hang up. Lena chuckled, quickly disposing of her bag and heels. She shrugged her coat carelessly on the couch; walking toward her bedroom she put away her rings, necklace and earrings with efficiency. She dashed quickly to the bathroom to remove her make-up and pulled at the hair band that maintained her perfect and polished ponytail.

 

True to her words, Lena heard a faint knock at her door. Lena knew Kara couldn’t possibly cross the city to her apartment in ten minutes. It was humanly impossible. Fear was a powerful thing. Lena wasn’t afraid of who Kara might really be. She had watched enough videos of Supergirl trying to guess the components of her suit not to remark the striking resemblance between the superhero and the reporter. Not that Kara wasn’t good at hiding her identity; no one would have thought that the bubbly, clumsy reporter and confident, larger than life superhero were one and the same. Admittedly, Lena had a few additional hints like the time Kara had bent the metal headboard of her bed with one hand during a particularly intense orgasm or how Kara could undress the both of them in a blink of an eye when Lena didn’t call for awhile. It was relatively easy to put two and two together when the reporter wasn’t even trying to hide her abilities while they were together under the cover of darkness. Lena was afraid that if she shined a light on it, then everything would change. Lena would lose everything. She had to convince herself that having Kara like this was enough.

 

Lena quickly opened the door revealing a smiling reporter in a hoodie and sweatpants, soft and warm. Seeing Kara like this always brought a feeling of safety and comfort, Lena could already feel the anxiety slowly quiet down, pushed back to the far end of her mind.

 

“Hi,” Kara whispered, letting herself in, prying the door handle from Lena’s frozen fingers and closed the door. Lena breathed deeply, her body slowly becoming loose in Kara’s light. Lena smiled in relief as Kara quickly put her shoes away and walked into her space, a hand on her jaw another to her waist, Kara slowly reduced the distance to nonexistent and Lena wouldn’t have it any other way. Lena pressed her forehead against Kara’s, her arms coming up to Kara’s neck as her hands tangled in her gold hair. The stress of the day started to melt away. Kara was the sun and Lena chased after her lips desperately.

 

It felt good. Kara’s kisses were scorching a path down Lena’s frozen skin, warming up her lips, her jaw, cheeks and throat. It was heavenly. It was everything Lena needed. Someone to chase the cold away. The heat of Kara’s embrace never failed to thaw at those Luthor’s bones; it made her loose and sluggish. It called to a part of her that lay dormant and forgotten, a deep, all-consuming desire to feel alive; Lena was burning with hunger and Kara was all too eager to satiate it.

 

Lena made quick work of Kara’s hoodie and bra and pinned her forcefully to the front door. She kissed every inch of skin uncovered, marking Kara’s skin with bruises that would disappear all too quickly, as if they were never there in the first place. But it didn’t stop her from trying and judging by the moans coming out of Kara’s throat; Kara wasn’t complaining either.

 

“Bed?” Lena heard Kara ask out of breath as Lena slowly kissed a path down her stomach.

 

“Too far,” Lena answered as she kissed along the hem of Kara’s pants. Tugging at it slowly, she looked at Kara for confirmation; Kara nodded threading her fingers slowly through Lena’s hair.

 

“They are so soft. I like it,” Kara whispered.

 

Lena smiled taking away Kara’s pants. “You are always welcome to use my conditioner after we are finished.” Kara nodded, looking a bit stunned as Lena bit Kara’s inner thigh playfully, soothing it quickly with kisses. Having Kara like this never failed to amaze Lena. It was intoxicating. Lena felt like she was burning with a Kara induced fever. It made her greedy. It made her chase for something she was always too afraid to have. A feeling she had yet to name, that made her bury herself into Kara’s heat, stealing Kara’s warmth and breath with her fingers, a hungry mouth, a flick of a tongue. Lena stored it deep inside her for the next night when the cold would creep back into her bones; for when her mask would be too heavy to carry.

 

It was easy to lose herself inside the inferno that was Kara’s body, her cries of pleasure, her undulating hips and grabbing hands as she pushed Lena’s head closer, deeper into her. It made Lena forget the hurt of the past, the weight of the Luthor legacy. It was like someone had heard and answered the call of her lonely heart. Lena couldn’t get enough of that. Suddenly, she felt Kara tense, her breath stopping for one, two, three seconds before her body collapsed on itself. Head thrown back, her throat widely exposed and heaving chest; Lena never saw something so beautiful.

 

Lena kissed her way back up to Kara’s lips, sucking greedily the remnants of energy: the giggles, the delirious happiness, the fevered heat that still lingered on her lover’s lips. Lena didn’t want to let go. If she had any say in this, Lena would never let her go. But tonight, she didn’t have to make that choice as she was suddenly thrown on her bed, a few doors down the hall, naked, a smirking Kara hovering over her. Kara smiled before capturing Lena’s exhale of surprise with a kiss. She felt Kara’s thigh in between her legs and Lena forgot all about letting go.

 

“We need to talk about this, Lena.” She heard Kara whisper into her skin, the words burying themselves into the back of her neck.

 

The night was ending; Lena could see it from her window. “Why?”

 

Lena felt Kara sighed into her hair, pressing Lena’s back firmly against her chest before she could put some distance between them. “Why did you call me? What happened?”

 

Lena stayed silent. But it was so hard to have Kara warming all of her body and having to stay cold and silent. Lena didn’t know how to share without cutting herself around the edges of her own walls. She felt Kara kiss the skin at the back of her ear and Lena slowly melt again. “We lost an investor,” Lena breathed quietly. “I am sure that two others will follow by the end of the week…” Lena turned in Kara’s arms and pressed her forehead against Kara’s. She hoped to steal a bit of that courage, that infallible hope the superhero was so willing to give to others. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

“You can,” Kara whispered fiercely, caressing Lena’s jaw, chasing away the cold before it could settle in her body. “I believe in you.”

 

Lena looked into Kara’s eyes and only saw comfort, a quiet kind of determination that burned all the way down to her toes. Lena kissed Kara slowly, savoring the hope and confidence on her lips.

 

“Are we going to have that conversation now?” Kara asked between kisses. Lena swallowed Kara’s weak protest with kisses and wandering hands. She didn’t want to worry about it. Not now that the darkness of the sky was slowly fading into pinkish hues.

 

Lena was a Luthor after all. She might not share Lex’s madness and hunger for power but she does share his fascination for beautiful and vibrant beings. Kara was the brightest of them all. Lena very much feels like Icarus, as Kara settles on top of her, drunk and blind flying closer and closer toward the sun.


	2. War of hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and the reviews! It meant a lot. I have to confess that I never saw an entire episode of Supergirl, all I know of the show is thanks to Youtube, fanfictions and Tumblr. There are a few lines directly burrowed from the show. I hope you will also like this chapter. It is in Kara's POV. Thank you all again and enjoy!

_I can't help but love you_  
_Even though I try not to_  
_I can't help but want you_  
_I know that I'd die without you_  
_I can’t help but be wrong in the dark_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_  
_I can’t help but want oceans to part_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_

  
**Ruelle** – _War of hearts._

 

 

Kara was confused. This thing she had with Lena Luthor was quite frankly a little bit ridiculous. She was sure if she were to confess to her sister that she had been having hot, mind-blowing sex with the CEO for a few months now; Alex would laugh in her face. And Kara wouldn’t even be offended by it. She would never have believe it herself if it wasn’t for the faint remnant of red blood lipstick still lingering on her skin, the imprint of Lena’s expensive perfume on her clothes, the ghost of her wet, relentless tongue still tingling her senses days after leaving Lena’s apartment.

 

Even their first kiss had been ridiculous. Now that she thought about it, Kara couldn’t believe it had happened. It was completely unbelievable, a kiss straight out of those silly rom-coms she forces Alex to watch. It had been an absolute accident. A combination of nerves and clumsiness that Lena’s presence seemed to enhance and amplify to Kara’s mortification.

 

Snapper had asked her to go to L-Corp for a last-minute quote for a puff piece on women in National City. It had featured numerous women from different walk of life: teachers, surgeons, mechanics; women in STEM fields, stay-at-home mom, FBI agent (thanks to her sister) and even a superhero. Kara had been quite proud of herself. Even though Snapper treated it as a puff piece, Kara knew it was because he failed to realize the importance for young girls out there to see that they could be anything they chose to be; Cat would have seen it. And so, Kara gave it her all. She was quite surprised when Snapper only grunted when he had read it, asking her rudely to get a quote from the new CEO in town so that her piece could be published in the next edition. Kara had been ecstatic. The barely contained excitement should have clued her in on what would happen next.

 

In retrospect, it had felt inevitable.

 

Kara had promptly called Lena Luthor’s assistant asking for an interview. She had detailed in great length the importance of the piece, appealing to the assistant’s heart, Jess, in helping thousands of young girls achieve their dream. She might have exaggerated a bit but Kara knew Lena Luthor’s schedule wasn’t something to be messed with. Kara had only met her once, thanks to Clark’s influence when he took her along to interview the woman at the renaming ceremony of her company. Things had been tensed those few days. Failed attempts of assassination, explosions in the city, killer drones and yet, Lena Luthor had seemed calm and composed. The perfect image of control, someone who knew the part she had in the game that was being played. Kara had found her fascinating, then. Intense. She had, unwittingly, nudged Kara toward a change of career.

 

Ever since that day Kara only saw her in passing amidst a swam of reporters, the CEO was notorious for accepting very few one-on-one interviews, preferring the neutral setting of press conferences. Kara couldn’t let this opportunity pass her by. So it was with great relief and a bubbling excitement that she had walked into the CEO’s office, smiling widely to Jess as she let Kara in. Lena was sitting casually on her office couch, reading on her tablet and everything was fine.

 

Until it all went wrong.

 

Lena had smiled and had looked at her with a glint of curiosity or it might have been of acknowledgement; Kara didn’t know but it had stolen her breath away. Her senses went haywire and she was suddenly aware of the smell of Lena’s skin underneath her perfume, she could see the indescribable shade of green flecked with gold in her eyes, she could hear Lena’s heartbeat stutter and pound even harder against her chest; she could even touch the micro particles exhaled from Lena’s lungs. Gravity was pulling her in and all Kara wanted was to have a taste. It was no surprise that as they both went in to shake hands; Kara lost her balance, tripping on the carpet. Kara saw herself inevitably fall toward the CEO, pulled in against her will, unable to resist. She immediately calculated how to move her body, how to control her fall as not to cause too much damage: to the furniture, the woman in front of her and her pride. Those few seconds were the longest Kara had ever experienced. It stretched on for so long she could clearly see the different emotions fleeting in Lena’s eyes. The surprise, the concern, a quiet kind of fear and an unspoken want battling deep inside those green irises. It was riveting.

 

Kara had encircled Lena’s waist with one arm and cradled her neck with the other in a lover’s embrace. She had briefly levitated in order to slow the fall and deposed the both of them on the couch, pressed from head to toes; her lips, these traitors, were firmly attached to those of the surprised woman. As slow as the fall was, the reaction came really, really fast. Kara had wrenched her lips away, spewed a few million apologies while promptly leaving Lena’s office; she had said a high-pitched goodbye to Jess and ran for the elevator. She had left without her quote but she couldn’t feel bad about it since she was soon to be without a job anyway.

 

That’s why she couldn’t be more surprised to find an hour later, a quote for her piece from Lena Luthor in her voicemail.

 

As she floated carelessly over the city watching stars born and die, Kara couldn’t explain what it was that made her fall into Lena’s gravity every single time. Their first kiss might have been an accident but their second had been born out of curiosity and wonderment. After having had a taste of Lena’s lips, however brief it’d been; Kara had found herself consumed with restless thoughts. She didn’t resist the siren’s call. She went willingly to Lena’s office when she had been summoned a few days later. They had seized each other up with burning looks and baited breath. It was a waiting game and Kara had refused to cave in first. She had waited for Lena to give her a sign. Anything that would tell her that her desire was not unwelcome. Kara had yielded as soon as Lena had stepped toward her with naked want in her eyes chilling her overheated skin. They had met halfway and it had been glorious. Cataclysmic, if she wanted to be dramatic. Two celestial bodies falling into each other by the sheer force of gravity. It was hard to wrap her mind around it.

 

The third time had been in Lena’s apartment. They had ripped each other’s clothes off for the first time. Kara had broken a few things and Lena had marks all over her body. It had been fast, hard and in a weird way soothing. Something had calmed the raging flames inside her. It had quiet down the never ending guilt of being alive when an entire planet wasn’t; it had appeased her loneliness and pacified the endless energy boiling inside her veins, finally free to be let out.

 

The price for it was minimal in the grand scheme of things. Kara complied obligingly to the set of rules if it meant she could have Lena for one more night. They wouldn’t talk about it. If their path crossed during the day, they wouldn’t acknowledge the sexual tension linking their bodies like a livewire. Kara would go to Lena’s apartment only when she was called upon. It was always deep into the night and it would end at the first ray of light. At first Kara thought Lena might have been embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with her. She was kept hidden like a dirty secret in Lena’s lair, shrouded by darkness and mysteries and Kara was sure the doorman from Lena’s building thought she was some type of call girl. But she couldn’t have been more wrong. If there is one thing Kara learned from those nighttime adventures with Lena Luthor is that there is no one more afraid of the dark than Lena herself.

 

Kara was content to give Lena the illusion of control in her moments of vulnerability. Kara would gladly be the light that chased the monsters away if it appeased Lena’s fears. As time went by, Kara noticed the smallest of change. During the day, when Lena would slip back into her CEO persona and become ruthless, untouchable Lena Luthor; Kara could see her shoulders relax a bit when they would cross path. Softness in her features that wasn’t there before, a beautiful light in her viridian eyes that seemed to grow and shine brighter every day.

 

Kara wanted more of that. So she began to push for more. She began to bend Lena’s rules so slowly and steadily Kara wasn’t sure Lena even noticed. There were now pillow talks in the early hours, a brush of a hand after press conferences, a slight increase of interviews with Catco magazine where they would just gravitate around each other, feasting on each other’s presence with hidden smiles and lingering looks. Kara wondered if bringing Lena’s lunch would be pushing Lena’s boundaries too far; maybe if she asked Jess for Lena’s sched –

 

“Supergirl, come in… Supergirl, do you copy?”

 

Kara startled at the sudden assault in her ear. It nearly made her crash into a building. She quickly righted her course, breathing deeply before answering. “Yeah. I’m… I’m here. What’s up?”

 

“Are you kidding? I’ve been calling you for like five minutes.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic Winn…”

 

“No, seriously! Where the hell were you? The DEO is going crazy; Cadmus has taken over all governmental channels.”

 

“What?” Kara felt a sudden panic freeze her insides. She couldn’t have been that distracted to shut out the rest of the world, had she? “I’m flying over the city; I can’t see anything out of the ordinary. Tell me what to do.”

 

“I think they are jamming our signal. Only official, restricted channels are targeted. That’s why it’s been so hard to reach you. There is this static noise all over your channel.”

 

Kara felt the pent-up energy deeply stored away come back to the surface. A need to fix everything before it had a chance to break. “Winn, please, just tell me what to do.” It was at those times where Kara preferred to be all brawns, relying on her brute strength to solve things. All actions, no second guessing. Alex hated that, Kara knew it. She had spent enough time getting lectured by her sister every time she went out to catch the bad guys without a plan which happened quite often. But Kara didn’t care because cold logic hadn’t save Krypton, after all.

 

“We are losing communications with our fields’ agents. They’ve been getting alerts of all kinds all over the city but they’ve been all false so far. Hank wants you to disable the power grid. The city will go dark but it will also reboot the system.”

 

“I’m on it.” Kara confirmed, slipping back into the superhero persona like a second skin. “And Winn?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Is Alex okay?” Kara asked quietly. An uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. “Winn?”

 

Static, an oppressing silence.

 

“I’m not sure Supergirl. We lost communication with Agent Danvers ten minutes ago.” Kara clenched her jaw and flew rapidly to disable the power grid.

 

Kara landed at the entrance of the building. It was dark and cold. Everything Lena hated. She scanned the building with her x-ray vision and saw numerous security guards lying unconscious on the floor. She rushed to the control room. Lights were blinking wildly everywhere. “I’m in the control room,” she said in her earpiece. “Winn? Do you copy?” White noise. She quickly began to disable the various alarms and power plants as she typed commands efficiently onto the panel. The system was shutting down; silence and darkness slowly seeped into the room. She restarted the system, a countdown glowing softly in the dark.

 

“Supergirl. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” a voice chuckled behind her. Kara slowly turned around and saw a striking woman, her stance oddly familiar. Her intelligent, calculating eyes and the way she held her chin and pursed her lips reminded her of someone.

 

“Who are you?” Kara asked, putting her hands on her hips, widening her posture, trying to fill up the room with her presence. An intimidation tactic Alex taught her. She had to make herself seem bigger in order to hide the fact that she felt like the walls were closing in on her. Trapped and forced to play a game she had yet to know the rules.

 

“I am a lot of things. A doctor. A patriot… You’ve been quite the nuisance. Always there to save the day. To be honest, I don’t like the idea of you around my daughter. How long before you drop the mask and betray her like your cousin betrayed Lex?”

 

“You are Lillian Luthor,” Kara breathed a bit dazed. “You are the head of Cadmus.” She now knew why the way she talked felt familiar, each words were delivered with a certain gravitas, something regal, deadly in its confidence, a pace of voice not that different to Lena’s. The woman smiled. It made Kara nervous. Lillian Luthor was way too calm not to have something up her sleeve and Kara couldn’t make the first move without exposing herself, leaving her vulnerable to the unknown. They were at a stalemate.

 

“Yes. And who are you to my daughter?”

 

Like a bird in a cage, Kara watched the woman observing her like a prey, waiting to pounce. She seemed to relish in the multiple scenarios Kara was running through her head, all the possible escape plans, numbers and variables speeding through her mind as she estimated the masse of the wall and how much force she would have to exert to make a hole big enough to escape but small enough not to crush the whole building onto them. “What do you want?”

 

Kara refusal to answer her question didn’t seem to faze her. If anything, Kara would say that she looked pleased. Her eyes too observant, too intrusive to her liking. “I want all aliens gone. For that, I need you to be human, just for a little while.”

 

Kara knew that the threat wasn’t in the words themselves but in the way they were said. The woman’s tone was bright; every inflection seemed to light up the room like the sun would shine far up in the north. All light and no warmth. The game was already won for her. The demand was said in a way refusal wasn’t an option. But she had to know what was at stake. “And if I refuse?”

 

“I have several agents ready to kill every civilian in the building.”

 

Kara heard the threatening new heartbeats sweeping in floor by floor before Lillian Luthor even finished her sentence. They were pointing a gun on the various personnel, dispatching quickly to cover all floors. Even with her super speed, Kara wouldn’t be able to save them all. Too many targets. Too many unknown variables.

 

Checkmate. Kara nodded and step toward the woman.

 

“Not so fast.” A man appeared behind the woman and gave her a box made of lead. Kara didn’t need to guess to know what was inside. As soon as Lillian lifted the lid, Kara felt the bright green light slowly taking her strength away. “Come slowly now,” she smiled, like a shark would at the scent of blood.

 

Every bone in her body screamed in protest. No one would willingly get close to something that could possibly harm them. She could imagine Alex’s voice screaming inside her head not to go, to bid her time, to wait for her. But Kara couldn’t. Her heart was already the home of an entire civilization, millions of souls who didn’t get to have their story told. Kara didn’t know if she could live with the guilt of housing a few more.

 

Kara got closer and saw the handcuffs laced with kryptonite glowing inside the box. She rejoiced internally, thanking the weird lessons Alex forced her through: one being how to break out of handcuffs the “normal” way. The woman was positively glowing with happiness as Kara willingly let herself be restrained, at her mercy. The sudden weakness made her feel dizzy as she had to be forcefully dragged out of the building. There were vans parked outside the entrance, ready to go. Kara felt sluggish, her mind turning to mush. She didn’t like this at all. The helplessness was maddening. She couldn’t control her body, she couldn’t do anything.

 

Something howled inside her. A primal fear lodged deep inside her soul. Kara was suddenly thrown back to the day when her mom put her into the escape pod, how lost and powerless she had felt. Seeing the world move around her, the panic, the haste; all heightened with the fear of the unknown. Having no control whatsoever and be forced to hold on, to stay strong even with the weight of her parent’s final goodbye.

 

They threw her inside a van. The impact took her breath away. Two men were flanking each of her side. Kara was grateful for the sudden shock jostling her out of her memories. “Everything’s ready, ma’am,” said the driver. Lillian Luthor nodded and signaled for everyone to go.

 

A noise suddenly crackled in her ear. It was Alex’s voice telling her to hold on for a little while longer. Alex was coming to get her. Everything was going to be okay. Kara took a deep breath and broke her thumb. Lillian Luthor was too busy talking to the driver to notice. She believed the game had been won as soon as Supergirl had let herself be detained. But Kara was no quitter. She let out a whimper as she slid one wrist out and Lillian suddenly looked at her, suspicion dancing clearly in her eyes.

 

Kara scowled, scrambling to find something to say. “Does Lena know about Cadmus? Does she know who you really are?” Kara convinced herself that she was only buying herself some time. Making Lillian talk to distract her from noticing that she was no longer subdued. But something in her voice must have betrayed her because Lillian did something far worse than find out what she was up to.

 

“Who do you think gave me the kryptonite,” she said all smug.

 

Kara squeezed her eye shut. It was an unexpected blow. One she never thought could hurt this much. However, she couldn’t let the seed of doubt grow into her. Lena wasn’t like that. Lena was good and warm. She always buried herself in her arms, clutching on to her as if she was afraid that Kara would let go. Lena was all lazy smiles in the morning, quiet sighs, gentle kisses.

 

Lillian laughed and something broke inside Kara. A rage so foul it made her lose her mind. She lunged at the woman with a scream, tackling her to the floor before any of the men around could react. She tried to punch the matriarch, kryptonite handcuffs still dangling from one of her wrist but she was finally pulled away by Lillian’s lackeys who pushed her down and kicked her repeatedly in the ribs.

 

Suddenly they heard a big crash behind them. One of Cadmus’ van went flying as a car sped toward them, not caring one bit for the car it had just overturned. “We are being followed, ma’am.” Kara felt the van swerve to the right and smiled as she heard her sister’s voice screaming that she would get them all. “I don’t think I can lose them.”

 

Lillian Luthor straightened back her clothes looking every bit the poised, treacherous woman she was. “Very well.” Kara didn’t see the punch coming; it split her bottom lip apart. “Hold her tight.” Kara saw the glint of a knife in the Doctor’s hand and tried to break away from their hold as they rolled up her sleeve. It was no use, the kryptonite ate away more and more of her strength the longer she was exposed to it. The weapon sliced her skin like a knife through butter.

 

All in all, it wasn’t that deep of a cut but to Kara who was so used not to be bothered by that kind of pain, it felt excruciating. Lillian took a sample of her blood and smiled. “Throw her out of the car.”

 

Kara didn’t have the time to prepare herself for the impact as the car abruptly veered to the left and she was thrown out of the side door. Everything hurt. Her vision was blurry. She felt Alex’s hand cradling her face, whispering things she couldn’t understand. They had taken her blood. She didn’t know what it meant but it felt like something worth repeating over and over again.

 

Absolute silence. Kara was rarely blessed with that kind of gift. Even when she went to sleep, she couldn’t drown out the noises, her neighbors waking up in the middle of the night to have a glass of water, someone who was losing their fight against insomnia and watched the TV till their brain could clear enough to have a modicum of rest. Thousands upon thousands of heartbeats beating at various paces, some ceasing to beat altogether. All those tiny noises she had learned to shut off, to push back to the background were blissfully absent. Kara hated it. It reminded her too much of the vacuum of space where sound couldn’t travel. The twenty four years she had spent trapped, frozen in time in the Phantom Zone.

 

Waking up was a slow process for Kara. She first recognized the sound of her sister’s voice, Winn’s, another lady she had yet to officially meet but sounded like she was close to her sister. Someone was holding her hand tightly, callused hands with tiny little scars all over their palms; it was like being able to read their whole story. Someone who had spent their life protecting their loved ones, even though they got hurt in the process. Kara could recognize the feel of her sister’s hand anywhere. Energy from the sun bed was seeping back slowly into her body. And Kara could literally feel her bruised bones mend themselves back together. As soon as she opened her eyes, Alex fired tons and tons of questions, clinging to her hand the whole time; afraid that if she let go, Kara would disappear as suddenly as she came into her life.

 

Kara explained what had happened in detail, with patience, accepting hugs and well wishes from everyone. She left out the part where Lillian Luthor told her Lena had given her the kryptonite. This was something she wanted to keep for herself. A doubt that could be devastating; with consequences far greater than just Lena’s reputation. Well past midnight, everyone called it quit. The DEO wanted to hack first thing in the morning into Lena’s phone and computer to know if she was involved in any way with Cadmus. Kara succeeded in convincing them to let her try her own methods first. Winn and Alex had laughed at that and Kara was too tired to let them know that she might have some influence over Lena Luthor.

 

“So… who’s the cop?”Kara asked now that Alex was driving her back home.

 

“What?”

 

Kara looked at her sister unimpressed.

 

“Her name’s Maggie. Maggie Sawyer. She helped me find you.”

 

Kara waited but Alex didn’t seem to want to say more. Kara sighed and settled more comfortably into the backseat. She wasn’t completely healed, her skin till held the faint mark of abuse and trauma. But Kara had begged with such fierceness not to be left out at the DEO that it seemed to stun everyone. They had agreed only because they didn’t want to upset her any further. Kara had said that she just wanted to go home and rest. And after the day she had, no one had the heart to refuse her the comfort of her home.

 

“You sure you don’t want to crash at my place or I could come up and we’d have a slumber party?” Alex asked for the hundredth time as she walked Kara back to her door.

 

Kara could feel Alex’s eyes roaming over her face, trying to figure her out. As if Kara was a well-known puzzle Alex knew by heart. A piece was missing and suddenly the picture in front of her eyes didn’t quite make sense. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”

 

“Okay,” Alex relented as she gave her a hug but Kara knew her sister would bring it up again. “But call me first thing in the morning!”

 

“I will!”

 

Alex lingered a bit more and Kara smiled, touched by how much she cared. “I’m okay, Alex. You can go.”

 

“Okay, then.”

 

Kara waved goodbye and closed the door. She waited a while, making sure Alex’s car drove away before she opened her window and flew toward Lena’s apartment.

 

She knew she was being reckless. She could drop out of the sky at any moment. But she had to see Lena. She had to chase away the horrible image Lillian Luthor had conjured in her mind. Kara loved flying but tonight the world felt too big and too empty around her. She was adrift, lost and she didn’t know where to aim her energy. How to focus evenly the flow of power filling her body gradually. She needed an anchor, someone to handle this overflow of feelings she could feel clawing at her throat. Call it a hunch but Kara knew Lena would know what to do with it.

 

She nearly crashed into Lena’s window as she tried to land on her balcony. She had seen the light of the little lamp Lena used when she was still working on her laptop when she was unable to sleep and Kara miscalculated her landing. She heard the steady heartbeat jumped and flutter at her sudden appearance, the window flying open and Kara, relieved and a bit delirious stumbled into Lena’s open arms.

 

Kara knew that at this very moment, she had revealed to Lena who she really was. She wouldn’t be able to deny it since she had quite suddenly appeared on her balcony, hundreds of meters above the ground. Kara had thought she would feel terrified about it. A Luthor and a Super. No one thought that Kara and Lena could be anything more than strangers, weary to repeat the mistakes Clark and Lex had made. After tonight, Kara didn’t know what to think. If Lena had truly given her mother the kryptonite used to restrain her, Kara could no longer continue whatever it was that they were doing.

 

It would be the sensible thing to do. The obvious logical answer. But it wouldn’t be right. Call her a fool but Kara had to believe that this thing they were doing meant something more to the both of them. They were both at fault. They have both been dishonest, not actively, but by omitting the truth and turning a blind eye on that part of themselves they couldn’t reconcile: the Luthor and the Super; they had unwittingly created a break, a clear breach where one couldn’t truly thrust the other. To be just Lena and Kara wasn’t enough anymore. The safety of Lena’s apartment could no longer hide them from the world. And Kara was afraid. She wasn’t sure which side Lena would choose. Would she rather be a Luthor, powerful and infallible but lonely or be Lena, passionate and kindhearted but vulnerable? And somehow, Kara knew Lena had known that no matter the choice she would make, she would lose either way. Kara hoped that Lena considered what they had, messy as it was, to be something worth fighting for.

 

And if it wasn’t, Kara desperately wanted to spend these last few dark hours pretending that nothing had changed.


	3. Cloud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too. Take care everyone!

 

_Stand down, drop these weapons now_  
_We're walking in this lie, walking in this lie_  
_You know I try, try to compromise_  
_We're walking in this high, walking in this high_  
_We are pushed back and down_  
_I'm out of my mind otherwise_  
_We are pushed and fallen down_  
_Into this ground and space_

 

 **Elias** – _Cloud_

 

 

Lena Luthor never meant to fall in love with Kara Danvers.

 

To be honest, Lena never thought she would ever fall in love in the first place. Younger, she had been in love with the idea of falling in love. To find someone and have them sweep her off her feet, romantic dates and shy looks. At the time, it had seemed like a wonderful, harmless idea to entertain. A great form of escapism from the inside of the Luthor’s household. While Lex had been a great, albeit sometime reluctant friend; she had thought that if she could find that special someone out there, she wouldn’t feel so alone anymore or feel so inadequate in the big itchy dresses Lillian made her wear at least once a week.

 

She had always been more of an unruly child, running in the house, playing hide and seek with her exasperated nannies. Lillian would always frown at her in disapproval, a disappointed look in her blue eyes. And Lena would cower in fright, frozen and fearful at the sudden iciness stifling her little body. She had learned to remain quiet, mindful of her movements in her presence; to talk slowly and eloquently. She had forced her soft little spine to be ramrod straight, her jittering legs to remain still and waving hands to stay at her side. Something she failed to master even to this day, her hands always betrayed her when she was excited so she preferred to cross her arms. A little act of defiance that had annoyed Lillian to no end when she was a teenager.

 

Lillian’s parties were things she had looked forward to. She would picture herself running away with one of the kids, who had also been trapped to attend her mother’s events, and they would hide under the tables, get candies from the wait staff and laugh the night away. But she rapidly realized that the only company she had for the night was Lex, no other children were brought along to those parties and Lena stood out like a sore thumb, hair sticking out in odd places, her limbs twitching every few minutes. Lillian always urged her to imitate Lex as he always looked to be at ease in his tux, head held high and hair perfectly combed. No matter how hard she tried, Lillian was never pleased or satisfied.

 

But for all the grief Lillian gave her, Lex had worse from their father. If Lena wasn’t worthy of the Luthor name in their mother’s eyes, their father made sure Lex was. Nothing Lex ever did was good enough; Lionel would make him repeat the same partition on the grand piano till he got everything right. He would push him not only to be the best but to be better than everyone else. Lena had watched the strain it had put on her brother, feeling secretly lucky that her father didn’t expect the same from her.

 

They’ve been allied. They had clutch to each other when loneliness was too great for their young mind to understand. They made each other forget with games and books and stories. Lex had a wonderful imagination; he could weave the greatest adventures with his words. In those stories, they were the one to save the day. They were always the heroes.

 

Lex had been her saving grace. When she was feeling down or after having been reprimanded by their mother; he would try to make her feel better, in his quiet, subtle way. She’d find candy under her pillow or in the fold of her dresses, like magic, and Lena adored him for it. She’d try to hide her big toothy grin while quickly eating the sweet but judging by Lex’s smirk and knowing eyes, she knew she wasn’t that successful. When she left for boarding school, Lex had warned her about others. He told her to play the game but to always guard her heart. Lena’s twelve year old self had nodded with a solemn look but hadn’t understood what he meant. She was just happy her brother cared enough to see her off. The irony was that Lena only understood the meaning of his advice years later when he was the one to break her heart.

 

Spending practically all of her teenage years in boarding school had been liberating in a way. Lena didn’t have the weight of her mother’s immediate presence to please even though she wasn’t that naïve as to think Lillian wasn’t keeping tabs on her. But she had been relieved not to wake up with an uneasy feeling in her stomach, having to pretend to be a perfect Luthor when they both knew she couldn’t be anything more than a charity case.

 

Lena, far away from her mother, had experimented, slept around but never fell in love. Girls were always going on and on about finding the one. Soulmates. Someone to complete the missing pieces of her heart. Someone destined to be hers, who would understand her and make her life better, easier by their mere presence. The perfect match. Lena had found the idea ludicrous at the time. But only because she didn’t want to be disappointed when she wouldn’t find hers or worse, if somehow her soulmate didn’t want her. She had said that she’d rather have fun than be locked down. She had said that she didn’t need someone to complete her. She wanted to be whole on her own. And in all fairness, she really didn’t like the idea of needing someone to be complete. She didn’t like to be only half of something. It reminded her too much of the fact she would never be a true Luthor in her mother’s eyes. Forced to stay in this in-between, to remain an orphan in a family.

 

So Lena had played the game of love. She dated, broke a few hearts, got hers bruised a few times but she never let herself fall completely. She always kept a distance, a coldness that people recognized to be a trait all Luthor possessed. Lena had wanted to laugh then. Because even though she no longer had her mother breathing down her neck, she couldn’t escape the long reaching shadow of the Luthor’s name.

 

As long as she could remember, no one really tried to look beyond her last name. Everyone expected her to act a certain way, to conform to the idea they had of who a Luthor should be. And Lena had tried to force them to see the person behind. She had wanted to be seen as Lena as much as she was a Luthor. She didn’t want to be these two separate entities. And that’s why she never fell in love. She was waiting for someone who could see both side and accept that no matter how different they were to the other, they both constituted her identity. She couldn’t be one without the other.

 

Lex had been the first to see her as she was. He told her that she didn’t have to choose to be one or the other. He had encouraged her to cherish her uniqueness and all of her quirks because if she were to be a Luthor she ought to take pride in the person she was no matter what anyone else told her. He told her to see their last name as a type of microphone and to use it to show everyone who she wanted to be because she had the power to choose what she said or showed to others. And Lena had used it to dissuade Lex. She had been vocal about changing his mind on his war against Superman. She had showed him how much she cared for him. She had been vulnerable, heart on her sleeve as she had begged him to stop. She had left her heart unprotected and wide open for him to stomp on it.

 

Watching him be put in jail, Lena had sworn to never let herself be that vulnerable again.

 

So yes, Lena Luthor never meant to fall in love with Kara Danvers. And seeing Kara stumble from her balcony window and fall into her arms, gripping Lena’s body desperately, trying to merge them together; Lena never meant to love someone so much the thought of them in pain physically hurt her.

 

Kara was frantic, trembling all over. Lena felt Kara breathe fire on the side of her neck where she had buried her face, mumbling broken sentences Lena didn’t understand. She tried to pry Kara’s face away from her neck but the superhero couldn’t be moved. She had glued herself to her.

 

Lena closed the window, Kara still attached to her. It was the first time she saw the reporter that distraught, the pain she felt and that Lena could feel coming to her in waves was making her incoherent, babbling nonsense so fast there was no use for her to try to catch any of it. It was jarring. Lena was used to Kara being the one to provide comfort. She was so used to be the one needing her; she never thought Kara might need her too.

 

Something she thought she buried a long time ago awakened. It responded to Kara’s distress. A deep sense of protectiveness that wanted to protect the golden haired woman from harm, to shield her from the world and create a cocoon safe, still and solid enough for Kara to allow herself to break down and be vulnerable in the comfort of Lena’s embrace.

 

“I got you,” Lena whispered over and over again, caressing Kara’s hair slowly. “What do you need?” She asked, hoping it will clear the daze Kara was in.

 

It did. Kara got quiet, her body at ease for the first time since she came through Lena’s window. Lena felt Kara’s thundering heart against her chest come to a halt, stutter to finally follow the same cadence as Lena’s heartbeat. The ominous cloud hovering above Kara’s head seemed to clear a bit, her light slowly filtering through the fog, chasing the darkness away. Kara detangled herself a bit from her and looked into Lena’s eyes stealing her breath away. The anguish, helplessness and pure need she could read so openly in Kara’s big blue eyes was like a punch to the guts, she felt her heart break in two. She wanted to destroy whoever did this to her.

 

Lena’s eyes abruptly zeroed in on Kara’s lips, specifically to the cut faintly visible on her bottom lip. Lena was no expert on Kryptonian’s biology but from what she heard and came to understand; their skin was impenetrable, they couldn’t be harmed like human could and Kara’s body shouldn’t be able to bear the trace of the beating she’d likely took.

 

“It’ll heal in a few hours,” Kara whispered; her voice gravely and cracked.

 

Lena nodded, speechless, touching gently the cut with her thumb as she cradled Kara’s jaw in her hands. “Tell me what you need,” she repeated.

 

“You,” Kara exhaled. “Make me forget.”

 

Lena leaned in slowly, waiting to see if Kara would change her mind. If she was sure that it was what she wanted. She didn’t have to wonder long. Kara closed the gap and breathed her desires into Lena’s lungs, burning a path to her heart. Kara’s hands that had been twisted into her shirt at her back, slowly came to life and roamed the expanse of her back, buried themselves into her shoulders, the length of her spine, the dip at the small of her back. Kara kissed her like she was drowning and coming up for air. She pressed her body into hers as if she was afraid Lena would disappear. Everything in Kara’s movement screamed of greed. The way her lips would latch onto hers, how her tongue would pursue hers avidly, unrelentingly, never giving up on the chase. And when the prey had been caught she would sucked on it till Lena couldn’t stop her moans from echoing into Kara’s mouth.

 

It was exhilarating to have a formidable being such as Kara ravaging her in the most delicious of ways. Lena was only but a mere mortal standing too close to the sun. She didn’t question the desperation she felt in Kara’s kiss, the way her hands clutched at her hips hard enough to bruise. There was wisdom in her eyes too heavy for someone so young, a quiet kind of pain begging to be let out, the same burden Lena saw every morning in the mirror. And if all Kara wanted was to forget, Lena would gladly burn her wings for her.

 

Lena tugged on Kara’s sweater and tried to take it off. Kara obligingly separated their lips for the few seconds it took Lena to pull it over her head before she gave chase to Lena’s lips again, kissing the side of her jaw, sucking that little patch of skin on her throat, just near her ear that never failed to make her weak in the knees; Lena pressed her legs together as the heat at the apex of her thighs grew exponentially. Kara had another idea as she took one of Lena’s legs and hitched it to her hips, leaving her wide open for Lena to grind into her. Lena smiled and lost herself in the rhythm. Kara was an ever-changing dance and she was a fast learner. An overachiever who strived for perfection.

 

Kara pushed her against the wall, both of her legs were around Kara’s hips and she grind shamelessly against the woman rock hard stomach. Kara was kissing her collarbone, trying desperately to kiss further down but was hindered by the collar of Lena’s shirt. She impatiently tugged at it and Lena heard the sound of tearing fabric.

 

“Sorry,” Kara looked at her sheepishly.

 

Lena rolled her eyes and smiled fondly. “Just tear it away. It doesn’t matter,” she said while running her lips all over Kara’s face.

 

Kara tore it off her body and after a few seconds of hesitation, she did the same with her pants and underwear.

 

Lena squealed in surprise, frowning a bit at the sight of her clothes lying in tattered at their feet. “You are pushing it. I liked that one,” she said mentioning to her underwear. “They were comfortable.”

 

Kara laughed and Lena smiled at the sight. It conjured ideas of maybes and somedays in her mind; thoughts that surprisingly didn’t scare her that much anymore.

 

Kara walked them to her bed, supporting Lena’s body with one arm while the other buried itself in her dark locks. “I’m sorry,” she said as she laid Lena on the bed, shucked off the last of her clothing and covered Lena’s body with her own. “We could go shopping one day. I know this great shop, they have really good underwear, super comfy and -”

 

“Shut up and kiss me,” Lena interrupted her rant teasingly, one eyebrow perfectly raised - because seriously? But Lena kept this tidbit of information for later; she will ask questions about that little shop just to see the reporter blush.

 

Kara nodded but hesitated a bit. Lena felt the mood shift. Kara leaned down and kissed her carefully, reverently with trembling lips. As if she was memorizing the feel of her lips, the taste of her tongue, the scent of her skin. It felt a lot like goodbye and Lena didn’t like it one bit. She didn’t want to let go.

 

Lena bit Kara’s lips, right where her cut was. She knew it was a bold move but she couldn’t let Kara continue down this path. Somewhere Lena couldn’t reach her. Somewhere they didn’t have to be until morning. Lena grounded Kara back to her with harsh kisses filled with want and dare she say it – filled with love. She did what she promised she would do. She will make Kara forget for a few hours, she will fill her senses with pleasure and want and a kind of heat that could only be extinguished after many, many orgasms. Lena felt Kara restrain both of her hands above her head, holding them at the wrist and Lena knew she had succeeded.

 

Morning came way too fast for Lena’s liking and with it, the realization that something was about to change. Her body was still tingling, wonderfully awake and loose at the same time from her night with Kara whose body was like burning embers on her skin, her face buried on her chest, just above her heartbeat. Kara was silent but Lena knew she wasn’t asleep. They were both waiting for something and Lena felt too much like a coward to be the first one to bite the bullet.

 

“What is your mother like?” Kara asked quietly, gently. As if she knew that this question would signify the end of their night together.

 

It did. Lena stiffened and she felt Kara bury herself a bit deeper into her chest. Maybe trying to ignore the light of day coming in from her window. Lena didn’t have that chance, Lena couldn’t hide. “What brought this on?”

 

“I just…” she felt Kara sighed against her. “I was thinking about mine and how she wasn’t the person I thought she was,” Kara looked at her with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I don’t know. Forget it.”

 

“No,” Lena didn’t know how to answer the question. Did Kara’s mother have anything to do with what happened last night? Was it why Kara was so distraught? Lena took a deep breath and decided to open up, just a bit; a thing Kara seemed to pry out of her. “I mean… I… To tell you the truth, I always seemed to fall short as a daughter. My mother and I never agreed on anything.”

 

Lena felt Kara’s body, which had been draped over her own, settle at her side, taking with her all of the warmth and comfort; Lena suddenly felt vulnerable and cold. “In like the business department?” Kara asked, looking at her intently.

 

Lena chuckled. Her smile too big to be anything but sincere. “Oh no, my mother could care less about L-Corp…” she said as she reached for the sheet, covering her body, seeking warmth but not finding any.

 

Kara backed away from Lena and looked at her with regret in her eyes. “But what about when it was still Luthor Corp?”

 

Lena felt her breath leave her body. The way Kara said it confirmed to Lena that something was up and that her mother was somehow involved in it. She was an idiot. This wasn’t what she thought it was.

 

Suddenly the ringing of a phone could be heard somewhere in the bedroom. Kara quickly got up, not bothering to cover her body and took her phone from the pocket of her jeans. She answered a few questions while Lena watched her, frozen on the bed.

 

It hurt. Kara was definitely fishing for information but wasn’t being outright about it. Lena didn’t think it would hurt this much. She had forgotten how that kind of pain felt. She had thought that maybe… maybe they had been past that. Sure, she had never been vocal about it but she had hoped Kara trusted her enough not to hide anymore.

 

“It’s my sister. I have to go.”

 

“Okay.” She was still a bit stunned. Her walls coming right back up.

 

Kara lingered a bit, taking her time putting her clothes back on. They were both waiting for something; something to break the uncomfortable silence, a silence so foreign when they were alone in her bedroom. Kara sat next to her, looking at her with those big, blue, expressive eyes and Lena closed her own as she felt the faintest of kiss on her lips. She didn’t kiss Kara back and she didn’t open her eyes till she heard Kara leave by the window of her balcony.

 

Lena never saw soulmates as missing pieces of a same puzzle. For her, soulmates were entities far more disruptive, far more dangerous than everyone imagined them to be. They were people who weren’t afraid to upset the very foundation of someone’s existence. A revealing transformer who razed everything on their path in order to reveal to someone’s eyes their strength in their vulnerability. And the process hurts because change is difficult and scary. It’s much easier to hold on to the past and the old ways than to move forward. It’s confusing and Lena feels like she is torn apart. In Lena’s mind, soulmates were the epitome of destruction.

 

And if Kara were to be her soulmate, Lena felt like Kara would destroy her completely.


	4. Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!! I wasn't very happy with this chapter, I'm still not. I'm still having second thoughts but since it's a new year, I thought I wouldn't let my anxiety hinder me from posting this chapter. Small steps. :)  
> There will be one more chapter after this one but it might take me a while to write it. I didn't mean this fic to be a fix-it of 2x08, but now it is... Hope you will still enjoy it.  
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments. It really means a lot. I'm gonna shut up now. Happy reading! (Is that something english speakers say?)

 

 

 _I am torn apart by you_  
_It's a spell I can't undo_  
_Oh, I can't escape it now_  
_I am in too deep to get out_  
_You're taking my heart, by storm_  
_I'm lost in your love, lost in your love_  
_I can't hold back anymore_  
_I'm lost in your love, lost in your love_

 **Ruelle** \- _Storm_

 

 

It was a brand new day here in National City and yet, Lena wished the day would end already, so she could go back to bed and let herself feel miserable, just for a bit.

 

But she couldn’t. So she did what she did best: compartmentalize.

 

Something happened and her mother was somehow involved. She didn’t like to feel cornered or blindsided. The most frustrating thing was that her mind couldn’t conjure up anything. No possible scenarios or theories on how her mother could be involved with Supergirl. The last time she had spoken to her was when Lex had been incarcerated. She felt completely clueless and it infuriated her to no end.

 

She quickly left the deceptive comfort of her bed and got ready for the day. She had to go to L-Corp and try to understand what kind of situation she was looking at.

 

Lena greeted Luke as she climbed into the car. She was feeling restless, stressed. Her mind was running way too fast to be effective. As soon as Luke started to drive, Lena felt herself go back to that centered place Luke taught her when she was younger. “My mother is up to something,” Lena said as she looked into his eyes in the rearview mirror.

 

Luke was a lot of things. He’d been her chauffeur, her bodyguard but also her informant, her trainer, her ally. Like he had been when she was twelve and deterred mean girls from bullying her or as a young adult and took her back home from a night of drinking, intimidated a few of her one night stands. Lena knew that if she were to fight against the world, Luke would be the first in her corner. “Have you heard anything lately?”

 

Luke looked back at her, his brown eyes trying to read her face like she knew he would. “No,” he answered and then hesitated.

 

Lena rubbed the bridge of her nose, feeling the first signs of a headache. “Please. Just tell me.”

 

“I didn’t want to bring it to your attention till I had anything concrete but I heard things about one of your product. Isotope 454. Some people seem to want it.”

 

Lena sighed. It wasn’t uncommon for a rival company to try and steal a few blueprints, some formulas from her labs. She dealt with corporate espionage on a daily basis. “Who?”

 

“Cadmus.”

 

That was new. And by the look Luke was giving her, he knew it too. “It will be a long drive but I want you to go to LAB 55 and transport the Isotope 454 back to L-Corp; you’ll have to expect some trouble on the way. If there is anything we learned from Cadmus, is that they love to cause trouble.”

 

“No worries. I’ll try to make it as quick and as quiet as possible.”

 

“Do you think my mother is involved in any way?” Luke knew of the tumultuous relationship she had with her mother. He’d had a front seat to the clash they have had in the past.

 

Luke shook his head. “I’m not sure. She has been pretty quiet since Lex’s incarceration… ” he trailed off, uneasy. They both knew that it didn’t mean anything when it came to Lillian Luthor.

 

The building came into view. Lena waited for Luke to park the car and motioned him to follow her. It was still early, Lena watched with a little bit of envy, those on the night shifts leave while they both took the elevator to her office.

 

“Should we reinforce security?” he asked as soon as the door was closed.

 

“No,” Lena said firmly putting her coat and bag on her coat hanger. “I can’t have anyone think that something is up. But make sure Marcus and Jamie are on the night shift for the next few nights. I’ll add a bonus to their salary,” she added sharing a smile with Luke. She went to get herself a glass of water and proposed one for Luke but he declined. He was looking at her patiently, letting her work out the multiples thought running in her mind.

 

Lena knew she was underprepared. She was a target but she didn’t know why. She felt like she couldn’t make a responsible move without knowing what the stakes were, who all the players were and what the endgame was. Lena sighed, she felt like she was doing a lot of that lately. “Can you gather the Team for me? I feel like something is about to happen and I have to be prepared for it when it does.”

 

The Team was only a handful of people she could trust with various set of skills. They gathered information for her on anything she asked them to. Ever since she took back the company, Lena knew that she would be throwing herself to the sharks: the public but also those in her own company. If she had any chance to succeed she had to be leagues in advance from her detractors. She had quietly built an entourage with Luke’s help that would be loyal to her in an environment that was very much still pro Lex. Lena knew she couldn’t trust those higher up, so she had put her trust in those workers people wouldn’t think twice about it. Luke was a goldmine of information every time he came back from his poker nights with other chauffeurs. Jess always had gossips from around the office and sometimes a few secrets on CEO’s she had gleaned from another assistant at one of L-Corp parties. Lena had one or two people in at least every department of her company. Lex didn’t only harm the people of Metropolis; he also harmed and tarnished the reputation of every person who was working for him. People like her that didn’t agree with Lex’s vision, people who wanted to use their knowledge and competence as a force for good.

 

“Of course, Lena. Anything to look out for in specific?”

 

Lena smiled. Luke always called her by her name when they were alone, a small comfort he tried to give her as much as possible. “Something happened to Supergirl yesterday night. I want to know what it was.”

 

Luke frowned and Lena knew he refrained himself from asking the question he really wanted to ask. Small mercies. “Do you think Lillian has anything to do with it?” he asked instead.

 

Lena sighed and went to sit at her desk, checking all the emails that was already waiting for her. “I’m not sure. I hope not…”she trailed off, unsure.

 

Luke nodded. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

Lena smiled gratefully and tried to gather her wit to face the day that was coming ahead but her mind couldn’t help but wander back to what happened with Kara this morning. She didn’t know what to make of the fact Kara had deliberately lied to her. Lena knew she wasn’t seen as the most trustworthy of character. She learned not to be bothered by what people thought of her. And yet, she couldn’t shake the crushing feeling inside her heart that maybe Kara might think the same of her.

 

Suddenly, a plate of warm, delicious lasagna appeared in front of her. “You missed lunch,” Jess smiled and pushed cutlery wrapped in soft paper toward her.

 

Lena surprised, looked at the clock to realize she had been half working, half daydreaming for more than seven hours already. “Thank you, I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” Lena smiled as she dig in into the plate with gusto.

 

Jess smiled good-naturedly and Lena mentioned for her to have a seat as she seemed to have something on her mind. “Luke filled me in. Are you okay?”

 

Lena looked at her assistant and smiled sadly. “I… I don’t know.” It was the most honest Lena could be. She didn’t know what she felt. She couldn’t put words to this whirlwind of emotions that were rushing into her. She knew Jess always feared she was going to burn out. That’s why she always brought her lunch when she was too distracted to remind herself to eat; little gestures that made Lena feel cared for. Not that any of them would openly address it.

 

Jess seemed to understand that Lena didn’t want to elaborate more on it. Instead she took her tablet and began to list all Lena had planned for the next day and the end of the week. Work had always been something they had relied on. A small comfort her assistant indulged her more than Lena knew she’d liked. “I got a few reports from the Team. They’ve managed to hack into the city security system. Apparently, at 11:23 pm, something happened at the power grid. The system was disabled. The city went dark for 20 min and then powered back up again. There is nothing else beside that. How come it didn’t affect L-Corp?”

 

“We have our own power source, our own network system for L-Corp and same goes just for the Team in case of blackouts,” she said between mouthfuls of lasagna. “Were there any signs of criminal activities anywhere in the city? Vandalism, robbery?”

 

“No. A car accident near the docks. But that’s about it. No victims judging by the report.”

 

Strange. Something must have happened for Kara to come to her all bruised up. Maybe she was wrong, she couldn’t see the whole picture and it was frustrating her. “Have them hack the security system of the power grid. I want to know if it was just a malfunction or deliberate.”

 

“Eli is already on it,” Jess said and Lena smiled with pride. “He is trying to clear the videos of the security cameras. The tapes look like they’ve been tampered with.”

 

Lena nodded. “Any words from Luke?”

 

“Not yet. Last update has been 2 hours ago when he left the lab.”

 

“Tell the Team to keep an eye on him. I want them to be ready to help him at the first sign of trouble.”

 

“Done.”

 

“And…” Lena hesitated. She wasn’t used to this kind of interaction. She always tried to keep things separate in her mind. Even though Jessica was the person she saw the most with her being her assistant and a member of the Team; she never let herself get close to her. Friendship could be dangerous. And it shamed her to admit it but beside Luke, she had dirt on every member of her Team. Luke had called it mutually assured destruction. She had told them the truth at their very first meeting. Because in the business of secrets and information, they all knew they could destroy the other with one simple click on a computer. And maybe, the most commendable thing was that they were still willing to work for her in spite of it. She didn’t show it but she hoped they knew she cared for them. Lena took a deep breath and look at Jess directly in the eyes. “I want you to keep out of this one.”

 

Jess scoffed. “No.”

 

Lena tried not to show her surprise at her assistant outburst. “Jess…” she tried again.

 

She saw the usually cool headed woman put her palm on her desk and stand up in order to get her point across. “I have followed you here from Metropolis. If there is anyone who has your best interest in mind beside Luke, it’s me. With all due respect... Ms. Luthor.” She added quickly and cleared her throat obviously embarrassed. She sat back on her chair, trying to look as if nothing happened.

 

Lena couldn’t help but smile a little, impressed. “I’m not sure what is going to happen. Cadmus isn’t known for its peaceful talks,” she said trying to still give her an out.

 

That Jess quickly dismissed with a wave of her hand. “I’ll be safe with the Team. They are like in a frigging Batcave at the basement when you have them working.”

 

Lena chuckled, it was kind of true. “Thank you Jess,” she expressed with as much gratitude as she could. Lena was sad that no one knew of the depth of loyalty and dedication that was shown here at L-Corp. It reminded her why she had to work so hard to bring the company back on the right path.

 

“Of course. And eat!” She said pointing to the half-eaten lasagna. She stood up to leave the office and as she was about to open the door, Jess stopped short her hand still on the handle. Lena watched her tap her earpiece and nod. She quickly closed the door and hurried toward her. “The Team just sent me a message. Isotope 454 is in the building. They have it. But Luke is not here.”

 

“What?”

 

Before Jess could try to explain further, several alarms activated on both their tablets, overriding the programs they were on. Lena hastily picked up her own earpiece and put it in her ear, her hands trembling.

 

The Team was showing her a live feed from the NCPD’s helicopter. Cadmus was attacking a convoy of cars; Lena immediately recognized them to be L-Corp’s. NCPD were firing on a meta human who didn’t seem to be affected by bullets.

 

Lena felt dread settle deep into her stomach.“Luke? Luke, are you okay?”

 

Crackling.

 

“Yes, ma’am!” Gunshots. Screams. Sounds of metal bending. “The package is secure. I repeat. The package is secure.”

 

A shadow she could recognize anywhere by its sheer familiarity appeared on the feed as he got picked up by the meta human. Lena could hear their conversation, he was asking about the Isotope but when Luke refused to talk, Lena watched with horror as he was thrown far away into the sky.

 

Lena had a few moments in her life where she felt like everything happened in slow motion, her senses dulled like she was underwater. Objectively, she knew she was in shocked, her brain was processing the events too fast for her conscience to make sense of it. She wished she could stop time. She wished she could do something other than hear Luke scream through the comms. Hear Jess gasped. Feel her own heart stopped beating as he soared unnaturally in the air. From that height, Lena knew the fall was likely to be fatal. One perfidious thought ran into her mind as she held on to her tablet tightly. Maybe she was cursed. Maybe she was meant to be alone after all.

 

A blur. A red cape. And suddenly Luke was righted mid-air and deposited gently on the ground behind one of the police car. Lena choked on a sob that was about to escape. Supergirl. Lena would have laughed if it wasn’t for the sheer terror that had frozen her inside. Everything was going to be alright.

 

Lena observed attentively the superhero fought the meta human. She had never really saw her in action; at least not with the absolute certainty that Kara and Supergirl were one and the same. She knew of course. She had evidence but Kara never really confirmed it to her until the night before. They hadn’t talk about it but at the time, Lena had thought it better to comfort the distraught woman than to expect explanations. Watching Kara throw punch for punch; Lena couldn’t help but think that she was beautiful. A force of nature. The fact that it was Kara; sweet, bubbly, rambling Kara under that costume made her all the more stunning.

 

Lena briefly tapped her earpiece, cutting momentarily all communications. She looked at Jess who promptly righted herself and waited for instruction. “Keep an eye on the media, we have to be able to control the narrative as much as possible. Here,” Lena said handing her a gun from her drawer. It wouldn’t do a thing against a meta human but protection was protection. “Keep it with you. Have a note downstairs tell everyone is to leave at 5pm; the building will be closed for maintenance. It would leave us a good hour to prepare. As soon as you are done, make sure the Isotope stays in the Team’s Lab, ready to be destroyed if need be. As of now, the Team is on lockdown.” Jess nodded gravely and left the office swiftly.

 

Lena tapped her earpiece. “Luke? What happened? How come you are not here with the Isotope?” Lena said her eyes still on her tablet. A crash. Supergirl was thrown into a car, denting it severely.

 

“Sorry to have deceived you.” Gunshots. “But as soon as I left I knew the information had leaked. I couldn’t risk it. I used myself as a decoy.”

 

“You old fool.” Lena could hear several voices agreeing with her through the comms. The Team berating Luke for taking that risk without telling them.

 

“Oh come on, kids. It worked, didn’t it?”

 

“We’ll talk more about it when you’ll be here in one piece.” The sound of an explosion reached her ears. It was one of L-Corp’s cars after a heat vision had been misdirected.

 

“Of course, ma’am.” Luke said losing the light tone from a few seconds ago.

 

Supergirl was thrown onto the ground; the meta human, choking her. Lena felt a lump lodged itself in her throat. “Luke, if you have a shot. Take it.” Lena had given Luke a prototype she had developed in secret based on the power of a meta human: Livewire. But unlike a Taser gun it didn’t need to be connected to the gun; it had an unlimited range. The bullets were pure energy condensed into a bullet all maintained in equilibrium. The effects were destructive. It had crumbled a reinforced wall more than a hundred meters away. Lena had stopped her test at that and urged Luke only to use it in extreme circumstances. She saw Luke lining his shot when suddenly some sort of grey vortex opened near them and distracted the meta human enough for Supergirl to punch him away from her.

 

The video feed suddenly got cut. Gunshots. Voices chirped into her ear about electromagnetic field, vortex, curse words… “Everyone, stop. Luke? What happened?”

 

“We’re okay. I don’t know what the fuck it was but it saved us. The meta human fled. There’s a few injured. But we’re mostly okay.”

 

Lena breathed easier.

 

“I want you to go to the hospital. Have everything checked out.” Luke tried to protest. “It’s an order Luke. Check in with NCPD; give them your full cooperation. And tell them Isotope 454 has been destroyed in the car explosion.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

Lena sighed heavily and tapped off her comms. She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on when her tablet biped. “What is it this time?” She said tiredly.

 

It was a video file. Lena clicked on it. It showed the entrance of the building of the power grid. Several unregistered vans were parked in front of it. Suddenly, several figures were quickly dragging a woman with a cape and threw her in the van like a ragdoll. It was dark and blurry but Lena knew who it was without having to see her face. Lena tapped her comms and put herself on a direct line with Eli. “Do you have videos of the car accident reported last night?”

 

“On it.” Eli said. The kid had hacked into several governments agencies before Lena caught him when he tried to hack into what was still Luthor Corp at the time. He made himself several enemies and Lena had struck a deal with him. She would protect him if he came to work for her. At 19, Eli had been all too happy to accept. He lived in the penthouse of the L-Corp building and he was the only one to work full time in the Team. “They were heavily encrypted. Someone did a really good job trying to hide them. I’m sending it to you, boss.”

 

Lena clicked on the file and saw a car chase near the Docks of National City coming from several cameras as the chased progressed. One smaller car abruptly veered into a van, knocking it over and resumed the chase. It went on till the van at the back suddenly took an abrupt left and threw someone out of the car. Someone she immediately knew to be Kara. The camera coming from a 24h laundry was angled perfectly to the side door of the van. She could see three shadows and the driver. “Put in the face recognition program.”

 

“Oh shit,” she heard Eli said.

 

Indeed. One of the faces staring back at her was none other than her mother. Lena gulped.

 

“What do we do?” Eli whispered. She could feel his anxiety rubbing off on her and it wasn’t helping at all.

 

“One moment. I need to think.” Lena couldn’t believe it. Of course her mother was involved. And she was even part of Cadmus. Madness does indeed run in the family. Lena scoffed in disbelief at her own naivety. She ought to know better.

 

“Boss, incoming. Supergirl at your balcony window in thirty seconds.”

 

Lena quickly cut off the line with Eli and tried to compose herself as much as possible. She watched Supergirl storm into her office, billowing cape and confident stride. She powered off her tablet and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “You know that door isn’t really an entrance.”

 

Kara looked at her and Lena noticed that despite her powerful, intimidating stance, her eyes were anything but. They were uncertain, cautious. Lena sighed and softened a little. “I wanted to thank you. I know you saved the life of my employees earlier. It means a lot to me. Thank you.”

 

“I need something in return,” Kara demanded voice hard. If Lena had walls, Kara had reinforced steeled ramparts. It made her understand how open and vulnerable Kara had been all this time with her. How Kara had been so willing to give away a part of her when she had been so closed off. They had awful timing. Lena had a hard time distinguishing the Kara she knew from the Kara in front of her

 

“Anything,” Lena said tiredly.

 

Kara turned her back on her and went deeper into her office. “I need help finding your mother,” she finally said facing her with an ardent gaze. It was familiar and yet, Lena felt like the woman who had shared her bed repeatedly was miles away from her.

 

“Why?”

 

Kara looked at her with the same heaviness she had seen last night reflecting in her eyes. Lena wanted so desperately to go to her. She wanted to be the comfort Kara needed. But tonight, sadly, all Lena could see in Kara’s eyes was the Super. “We both know Isotope 454 hasn’t been destroyed in the car explosion.” Kara let a sigh of her own, tired, the weight of the world resting on her shoulders. “I heard it over your communications. Cadmus won’t stop until they have their hands on it.” Kara paused watching Lena directly in the eyes. “Your mother is in charge of Cadmus.”

 

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise since she saw it only a few minutes ago. But Lena still felt like a pinprick of grief, a knee-jerk reaction to defend her mother, even though she knew Supergirl was right. “I know,” Lena breathed wearily. She felt suddenly so heavy. Like the center mass of her body was dragging her slowly to the ground.

 

Kara recoiled, thrown back. She looked surprised. But above all betrayed. “She kidnapped me. She took my blood and has now a virus that could wipe out the entire alien population of National City. I felt powerless. I was afraid,” she hissed angrily, but all Lena could hear was the hurt in her voice. She could hear it so distinctly.

 

Lena closed her eyes tightly. She couldn’t escape her last name. It truly was a curse. Lena couldn’t bear to see the accusations expressed so freely in Kara’s eyes when they were so warm and affectionate just the night before. It tore at her heart. If only she knew how to protect herself from Kara.

 

“Did you also give her the kryptonite?” she asked in a tone Lena never heard before. Like she was twisting a knife in a open wound, waiting to see the reaction on her face.

 

For once, Lena wasn’t following. “What are you talking?” She looked at Kara completely bewildered.

 

Kara seemed to waver a bit but Lena could read the suspicions, doubts still swimming in her eyes. “She used kryptonite to subdue me. That’s why I couldn’t heal.”

 

Lena scoffed. “What? Is that it? After my mother, you are coming after me?”

 

“Lena…” Kara suddenly whispered, eyes full of regret, looking like she wanted to take back her last few words, the last few days. She seemed uneasy and tried to come closer, hand outstretched, face apologetic. Lena flinched. It was too late. She could feel her walls scrambling to build themselves back up. Survival instinct finally kicking in.

 

“No!” Lena raised a hand preventing Kara from coming closer, she pressed herself harder against her desk, a solid anchor against the sudden sense of vertigo that was overtaking her. “You come in here, all great and mighty, wearing that symbol on your chest and everyone think you are good. But you are a liar Kara Danvers,” Lena did enjoy the pain she caused in Kara’s eyes, how she backed away abruptly as she spoke with as much coldness and control as she could muster. “When you said you believed in me, was that a lie too?” she felt her voice wobble toward the end and she hated herself for it.

 

“No that wasn’t a lie,” Kara whispered fiercely. “I know who you are and you are nothing like your mother, Lena,” Kara said it with so much conviction, it left her speechless.

 

“What I said this morning wasn’t a lie either,” Kara added, closing the distance between them, breaking the insurmountable wall they had tried to put between each other with a few, easy strides. Lena gasped for breaths, overwhelmed by their sudden closeness. She felt Kara slid her hands along the pulsing veins of her throat, cradling her neck, pressing their forehead together, sharing the same breath. She felt raw, at peace. It was amazing how Kara could create, with just a few movements, a bubble of serenity so pure that Lena felt stripped away of all her worries and insecurities. “I know what it feels like to be disillusioned by your parents. Lena, you are too smart and too good to follow the same path. Be your own hero,” she mouthed gently into her ear, encasing her in her arms.

 

At what cost, Lena wanted to ask. Kara was burning everything on her way, everything she thought she knew about herself, gone. Ashes. She felt cracked-open. Kara made her hope for more. Kara made her hope for things she never thought she’d have one day. She made her see that it could be possible. Lena didn’t have to stay in the dark. She could step into the light.

 

“I guess we never really knew each other, after all.” Unfortunately, Lena still had a game to play. A few more pieces to move. She felt Kara shook her head against the curve of her neck, not accepting Lena’s statement. She took a big gulp of air, trying to muster the courage to do what she had to do but Kara was making it so difficult. Maybe someday, she wouldn’t have to let her go. Lena slid her hands on Kara’s sides, savoring the feel of her body against hers, the sheer familiarity of the woman’s curve, the softness of her hair as she inhaled the scent of late night whispers, wild kisses and passionate touches on Kara’s skin. One last time. She just hoped Kara would forgive her when everything was said and done. “Leave,” her voice broke as she lightly traced the symbol on Kara’s chest and pushed her slightly away. She ignored how Kara’s eyes welled up with unshed tears, how she pinched her lips so hard, only a fine line remained visible.

 

Kara nodded, crestfallen and left briskly.

 

For the second time that day, Kara left by her balcony window. Lena tried to contain her own tears from falling and closed her eyes tightly. She took a shuddering breath. She couldn’t quit now. She had much to do and apparently, the alien population of National City needed to be saved. To be honest, now that she had all the information at her disposition, it was quite easy to formulate a plan. No one knew her mother like she did. If her mother wanted Isotope 454, Lena would give it to her.

 

Lena tapped her comms as she sat on her chair about to destroy the Luthor’s malevolent legacy. She was met with a chorus of voices. Luke was talking to the Team. He was coming back to L-Corp. Lena smiled with relief. But first she needed him to do something for her. “Luke?”

 

Everyone went silent. She gave her directives to the Team with efficiency. Her mind still as sharp as ever. Lena finally felt like she was in her element. She explained her plans carefully, listening to their reservations, ideas and then everything was put in motion. Thoughts were running so fast into her brain, possibilities, calculations, miscalculations that she wished she could just have a break. Nice vacations. Somewhere warm and quiet. But as soon as she entertained the thought Luke’s voice crackled in her ear. “I’m in the building with the detective. We’re coming up.”

 

That was fast. “I’ll join you in the conference room.” Lena took a deep breath. She had made her first move. Be your own hero. She knew that if she wanted to stop her mother, the accusations had to be solid. More than solid, they had to be irrevocable. Being a Luthor came with a lot of influence and Lillian Luthor had plenty of those. Lena would need all the help she could get.

 

Lena left her office and joined Luke in the conference room, a fierce looking woman standing next to him.

 

“Detective Maggie Sawyer. NCPD.” The woman said as Lena went to shake her hand.

 

“Lena Luthor.” She motioned for the detective to sit, which she did warily. Lena huffed, why everyone thought she was the bad guy. It was infuriating. She sighed and asked Luke to leave the room. Luke nodded reluctantly.

 

Now that they were alone, the detective smiled easily, dimples showing but Lena could see her eyes taking in the room. She had yet to relax, one hand still near her firearm. Of course, Luke would bring in the most stubborn person in the law enforcement. She watched the detective silently seizing her up. It was going to be a long night. “Well, this is a surprise. It’s not how I saw my night going,” the detective finally said, her postures too relax to be real.

 

Lena smiled inwardly. “Believe me detective, me neither. Here,” Lena slid a paper to the detective. It was an agreement asking for full immunity for Lena and L-Corp in exchange of the absolute evidence of Lillian Luthor’s guilt and consecutive arrest for tentative aliens’ mass slaughter and several others inculpation for Cadmus.

 

Lena saw the guarded expression on the detective face slowly morph to astonishment. “Is this a joke?”

 

“Not even remotely.”

 

“How are you going to do that?” she asked incredulously.

 

“I’ll have a mic on me. No one knows my mother like I do. I’m going to play her game and deliver her the Isotope 454. My Team is reversing the properties of the Isotope as we speak. Whatever virus she has for it will be annihilated as soon as it comes into contact with the Isotope.”

 

Detective Sawyer seemed to ponder on what she just said. Looking at her like she was trying to figure her out. “Why should I thrust you?”

 

“We all came here for a fresh start, Detective. Let us have one. However, if the virus is somehow propagated because of my product, I, as acting CEO, will take full responsibility for it.”

 

“Will you put this into the agreement as well?” Lena nodded. “It’s a huge gamble you are making.”

 

“What other choice do I have? I won’t stay here covering in fear, waiting for Cadmus to make the first move.”

 

The detective nodded, looking thoughtful, severe. A sharp contrast to her easy going features. “I have a friend who knows Supergirl. She could help you.”

 

Lena felt a pang in her chest. “No. I’m sure Supergirl will be involved and I can’t have her doubt for a second that any of this isn’t real. My mother will see it immediately,” she added more quietly.

 

“How do you know your mother will believe you?” the detective inquired sounding more sincere than she was earlier. Lena knew she had the detective on board.

 

“Leave that to me. Do we have a deal?” She asked as she slid a pen across the table.

 

The detective looked at the pen and then at her face, Lena felt a bit vulnerable under her gaze. “Alright, Luthor. Let’s get this on the road.” Maggie Sawyer took the pen and began signing the few pages in front of her. Lena sighed in relief, feeling like the hardest part was already done.

 

Contrary to popular belief, fooling her mother was the easiest part. Lena knew how to play her mother from the long years living under the same roof. All in all, if you knew what your target wanted, it was easy to predict what they would do in order to obtain it. Lillian Luthor thought herself too powerful, too smart to let herself be taken for a fool by her own adoptive daughter. Lena had only needed to spew a few spiels about aliens and how Supergirl would betray her in the end like Superman betrayed Lex to convince her. She saw her mother smile as soon as she opened the case containing the Isotope and offered it to her. Her mother didn’t know her at all.

 

Lillian was driving toward the docks. The silence was suffocating. It was weird to be this close to her. She hoped the mic wasn’t picking up on her increasingly rapid heart rate. “You know, Lex misses you. He told me the last time I saw him.”

 

Lena scoffed. “He tried to kill me,” she remarked drily.

 

Lillian chuckled. “Sibling rivalry.” She parked the car near an enormous engine, carefully hidden under a batch. Of course her mother would have a bazooka. “It’s a rocket launcher.” Lena rolled her eyes. “And now, here” Lillian held the key to her. “Prove you are with me.” Lena took the keys and put it into the slot to arm the rocket. “Lex would be proud you know. He always wanted you to be a part of this. He’ll be delighted to see that you’ve seen reason.” Lena smiled bitterly.

 

If Lena could have a sixth sense, she felt like being able to sense Supergirl would be a pretty good one as she saw her and a fellow alien land just behind them. “Lena, don’t do this,” her voice sounding more like a plea than a warning.

 

Lena inhaled deeply. Just one more move. One more move. Be your own hero. “Why not, I’m a Luthor.” She turned the key and watched the heartbreak and disbelief twist Kara’s face.

 

Everything happened so fast after that. Lena cursed as she tried to run in high heels. The meta human was fighting his doppelganger alien. The rocket went high in the air as Supergirl chased after it and exploded, releasing the virus. Lena saw the jubilation in her mother’s eyes and felt sick to her stomach. She saw the alien accept his fate calmly and Supergirl devastated, walking toward him. Lena felt guilty.

 

Nothing happened. Lena watched the slow realization on her mother face and couldn’t hide her smirks. “You. You switched out the isotope. You made the virus inert.”

 

“I did.” Police sirens resonated in the distance, the lights reflecting in her mother’s eyes. “And I called the police.” Her mother looked at her with something akin to pride and Lena had to look away as cops came and arrested Lillian Luthor.

 

Lena observed Kara’s interaction with the man who was with her, she could easily read the relief and confusion on her features. Lena exhaled forcefully as she tried to hide her trembling fingers in her pockets. Detective Sawyer snapped back her attention and asked her to come to the police station in order to put all the evidences and testimonies together. She threw a last look at Kara but the superhero was already gone; somehow, the night felt a bit colder than before.

 

It was only by mid morning that she was allowed to leave. Lena checked her phone tiredly and saw that she had a new voicemail.

 

“ _Hi Lena,_ ” Kara’s voice whispered into her ear. Lena felt herself relax automatically. “ _I’m not really sure what happened last night. But I wanted to thank you. You saved everyone._ ” Lena smiled as she heard Kara take a big gulp of air and she knew Kara was about to go on a tirade. _“I’m angry and I know you are too. We are both angry and confused and hurt. And that’s okay... As long as we talk, right? Really talk. You won’t get out of this one, Lena. I mean it.”_ Lena chuckled, transported back to lazy mornings in bed. She pressed the phone closer to her ear. _“I’ll be out of town for awhile though… well, more like… out of this Earth?”_ she trailed off uncertainly. _“I have to save the world in another universe, can you believe it?”_ Lena snorted disbelievingly. _“Don’t laugh.”_ Lena stopped, not sure how Kara could have known. _“I swear it’s true. I’ll tell you all about it.”_ Suddenly Lena heard a male voice in the background. _“Kara, we have to go.”_ She heard Kara huff and muffle the phone as she hissed back fervently. _“Wait a second, Scarlet Speedster. This is important._ ” Kara’s voice came back as a soft murmur only meant to her ears. _“What I mean is… don’t go anywhere, alright? I’ll try to be quick. Just wait for me Lena. Bye.”_

 

Lena smiled, relieved. That was the thing with utter destruction. The fire that burned forests to ashes, the explosion that destroyed planets to rocks and rumbles were all part of a cycle where rebirth was possible. Under the still fuming ashes, plants would grow back slowly, steadily with time; in the suspension of space, gravity would pull back all the rocks, the matter, the energy that had been expulsed in order to form something new. Supergirl was a lot of different things for a lot of people and for those who had the chance to know the woman as both Supergirl and Kara Danvers; Lena felt like she was the embodiment of hope.

 

She walked out of the station and saw Luke waiting for her, car door open. Lena looked at the sky and shook her head. “I’d rather walk instead.”

 

“Would you like some company?” Luke asked while closing the door.

 

Lena shrugged. “Sure. That way you can explain to me how great an idea it was for you to use yourself as a decoy?”

 

Luke laughed and Lena put her arm around his waist, her head pressed against his shoulder as they walked toward L-Corp side by side. She felt his arm come around her shoulder and squeeze it gently. “Eli is having a little party at the penthouse with the Team, want to come up and say hi?”

 

Lena nodded. Maybe it was time to shake things up. Loosen up a little. “Why not. Just to make sure he doesn’t burn the building down.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lena laughed. Even though the night had been long and harrowing, for the first time in awhile, the light of day didn’t feel so harsh anymore. As Lena felt the sunshine illuminating her skin; the light felt more like a revelation.

 

It felt like a new beginning.

 

_Be your own hero._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted Lena to feel less alone, honestly. :)


	5. Say you won't let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here is the final chapter!  
> I want to thank every one of you who left kudos and comments, I wasn't feeling it anymore but then this chapter wrote itself thanks to your support. I was really happy to see that you all liked the Team. A badass CEO like her deserves to have badass people working for her. So that they all can be badasses together. #LenaSquad
> 
> I hope you'll like it. Enjoy !!!

 

 _I knew I loved you then_  
_But you'd never know_  
_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_  
_I knew I needed you_  
_But I never showed_  
_But I wanna stay with you_  
_Until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_

 **James Arthur** – _Say you won’t let go_

 

 

Kara Danvers didn’t know what it was like to fall in love.

 

She didn’t have the best dating history. Her relationship with Adam had been fun, spontaneous, unexpected but also ephemeral. It felt like being struck by lightning, an instant shock. She had wanted to fix his relationship with Cat. It gave her a purpose but she could see now that it shouldn’t have been her role. Fixing his broken relationship with his mother shouldn’t have been the only link she had in his life. However charming, cute and utterly normal he was; Kara couldn’t fit him in her life either.

 

Her relationship with James had been trickier. To be honest, she didn’t know why it didn’t work out when everything on her list had been checked out. James was the good guy. Perfect. Stable. He knew her cousin and Clark had approved. Perfect on paper and yet, when the dust had settled, she didn’t feel it. Like a dream she had been chasing but when she got it, she had realized it was not for her anymore. Kara had seen in his eyes that she was someone he thought he had to protect first and foremost. It hadn’t been fair to James but staying with him would have made the both of them miserable, they would have spend their time trying to fix something that wasn’t really broken. Something that had stopped working as time went by.

 

All in all, Kara felt like a walking disaster when it came to dating. There was always something holding her back from truly diving into a relationship, from truly giving herself away. And maybe that was the problem with these two relationships, she couldn’t truly give herself away without revealing the things she had kept hidden for so long. Adam and James both had an image of her already crafted in their mind. She was either the bubbly, optimistic reporter or Clark’s cousin. In those relationships, she had felt like there wasn’t room for error. She hadn’t trusted them enough to show what was beneath the veneer. She had let the fear deep inside her heart of not being enough; of people leaving her again and again guide her actions.

 

Because what Kara wanted didn’t really matter in the end. As Kryptonian, her birth had been predetermined and if Krypton hadn’t been destroyed, she would have surely followed in her father’s footsteps. When Krypton was on the verge of destruction, all she had wanted was to stay with her parents; she didn’t care if it had meant death then. Everything happened so fast, her thirteen year old self couldn’t wrap her mind around what was happening, only that she was being ripped away from her family, that she had to travel through space on her own to look after her baby cousin. She had wanted to stay but her mum put her in a pod, hurling her toward a great new destiny. Upon coming on earth, Clark found her and told her to live with the Danvers even though she had wanted to stay with him, even though all she had in her mind was the promise of a destiny no one really needed her to fulfill anymore.

 

Kara always felt like choice was kind of a lie, everyone told her to make a choice but so far, no one really let her choose. They all pointed her toward a direction, the one they wanted her to pick. How was that being given a choice?

 

To be Supergirl hadn’t really been a choice. It had felt inevitable. She had been born to help people. Be Supergirl had felt more like breaking away from the mold Clark had wanted her to be in. Kara knew Clark had her best interest at heart, he had been looking out for her; he had wanted her to experience a normal childhood but Kara wasn’t “normal”, she wasn’t human. And though she was grateful for the life she’d had with the Danvers, she felt like the constant hiding, the fact that she had to constantly repress the energy inside her veins had stunted her personal growth. It had made her scared of a part of herself she now knew not to be scared of. It had been painful and lonely to have to shut off a part of her that only wanted to be free, to be useful in a world that clearly could use a little bit of hope. To see Superman on the news do everything she had been destined to do made her envious. It didn’t stop the feeling of loneliness and aimlessness.

 

She only had Alex who stuck with her through low and high waters. Her sister who chose again and again to protect her, love her, make her feel less alone. Who knew of the pain and the tears she would cry at night when no one was looking. Alex was her best friend and seeing her waiting with a frown on her face, sitting on her couch as she stepped through the portal; Kara knew she was in for a scolding.

 

“Here you are!” Kara watched her stand up quickly, clearly agitated and tired, her hands dancing angrily in the air as she vented her frustration as soon as the portal disappeared. “A voicemail, Kara? Seriously? I’ve been here every night for the past week waiting for you!” Alex then imitated her voice, which Kara hated to admit but it was incredibly spot on. “Hey Alex, I gotta save the world in another universe. Bye!” Kara winced; it had been a bit insensitive on her part. Alex put her hands on her hips and Kara felt throughfully chastised. “What the hell, Kara?” she hissed through gritted teeth.

 

Kara quickly put her hands up in a placating manner. “I know! I’m so, so sorry Alex. Barry and his friend Cisco came in through that grey swirly vortex and he told me there were aliens on his planet, and that they needed my help, and he has a whole gang of vigilantes over there like… whoa!” Kara said trying to put in the most details as possible before her sister decided to lock her up somewhere in the DEO. “And then there’s The Legends and they can travel through time Alex!” she continued excitedly.

 

“Okay, okay, calm down.” Alex sighed and Kara truly felt sorry for worrying her so much. “It’s just… didn’t it occur to you that the DEO could have helped? I mean we are literally trained for that. It’s called the Department of Extra-Normal Operations for a reason!” Alex said exasperated, her anger building back up again.

 

Kara smiled embarrassed, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. “I… uh, yeah. That, that would have been more logical I guess.” Alex glared at her. “Come on, Alex. It’s not like I left without telling you and it was really urgent. The alien had killed the President of the United States on their Earth!” Okay, it didn’t happen until she was already there but Kara had to appease her sister somehow. “I’m sorry.”

 

Alex huffed and mumbled, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Kara let her work out whatever it was in her head. “You did leave me a voicemail…” she conceded with a sigh.

 

“Yes!” Kara whooped, her smile growing impossibly bigger. “And I totally saved you from having to bash Oliver Queen’s head; he was like a total douche bag at first.”

 

She saw Alex try to hide a smile and knew she was forgiven, just not out of trouble yet but at least she was forgiven. “Come here, you goof,” Alex said as she opened her arms.

 

Kara went in eagerly for the hug, squeezing her sister as gently as possible.

 

“I missed you Kara, please try not to leave like that next time.” Alex whispered in her hair.

 

“No promises on that…” She felt her sister tense and so she offered quickly, “but I can always bring you with me…?”

 

Alex chuckled and squeezed her one more time before stepping out of the hug. “Deal!” She went to sit on the couch and Kara went to do the same but she saw in the curve of her sister’s eyebrows that the serious talk wasn’t finished yet.

 

Alex took her hand and cleared her throat; it’s been a long time since Kara saw her acting that awkward with her, it made her nervous. “So…” Her sister took a deep breath and in a true Alex fashion dropped the bomb on her. “We hacked into Lena’s phone.”

 

Kara was speechless. She opened her mouth to try to say something but nothing came out. Didn’t they trust her when she had said that she would handle it? “You had no right. I asked you not to,” she finally stammered. “Didn’t you trust me?”

 

“Of course I trust you.” Alex reassured her quickly, holding her hand tightly in hers before Kara thought of letting go. “And I know… You asked us not to. But it’s the DEO, Kara; my position doesn’t allow me to turn a blind eye on what could have been the prime suspect of an investigation. I had to.” Kara tried to protest but Alex stopped her, voice firm. “We did it before we learned she was working with the NCPD to bring her mother down. Winn couldn’t hacked into L-Corp’s network, he is still sulking about it so don’t mention it to him but her phone was easy. Beside the common protection software, there wasn’t anything protecting it and we didn’t find anything incriminating.” Alex exhaled and observed her with a look that ranged from sympathetic to encouraging and Kara knew where this was going. “We did find your number appearing on her calling history. She called you several times over the past few months, very late at night… Kara, what is going on?”

 

Kara gulped. “Who else knows?”

 

“Only Winn and I since I was the one to give him the order. I’m not judging Kara,” Alex said squeezing her hand reassuringly. “I just want to understand.”

 

She could see the genuine confusion and the concern in her sister’s eyes. She didn’t tell her because she knew they would never have approved. Because Lena was a Luthor and she was Supergirl. Because somewhere, inside her, Kara rejoiced at the fact that this had been her secret, hers alone, this thing they had had been her choice and she knew that if she told her friends they would have taken that choice away from her.

 

“Lena and I…” Kara took a deep breath and let out the confession out of her chest. “Lena and I have been seeing each other.”

 

Alex frowned. “Like in a relationship? Are you two together?”

 

Kara grimaced and hesitated. Alex nodded, encouraging her to continue. Kara closed her eyes and felt like dying of embarrassment. “Not really. I’m not sure. For a long time it was only, uh… physical,” she quickly let out opening one eye to see her sister reaction which had been nothing short of encouraging and supportive but abruptly transformed into one of horror.

 

“Ew! No, Kara! Come on, you have to warn me before saying something like that!” She said as she hit her with a pillow.

 

Kara burst out laughing and it felt like a weight had been lifted from her. Even though Lena had been a secret she had jealously protected, it felt good to share it with her sister.

 

After all, secrets had a way of becoming heavier to those who protect it over time; it was easier to share the weight with someone till it wasn’t a secret anymore, until it was safe for it to just become an irrevocable truth.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked after they had calmed down and settled back down comfortably on the couch.

 

Kara shrugged. “Because I knew you wouldn’t approve.”

 

Alex recoiled as if she had been slapped. “What? Because she’s a girl?” She huffed, getting oddly defensive and indignant.

 

Kara frowned confused. “What? No, no but you know, because she’s a Luthor…” she continued uncertainly trying to understand the odd expression on her sister face.

 

“Oh, uh… Yeah. I might have given you hell if I knew then.”

 

“But not now?”

 

Alex seemed to ponder the question before she answered genuinely. “She did save the alien population of National City. I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt. But if she makes you cry, all bets are off.”

 

“Thank you, Alex.” Kara smiled but Alex still seemed troubled, uneasy. “What is it?”

 

The usually confident, no-nonsense woman cleared her throat nervously, she stood up and began to pace in Kara’s living room. “There is something I need to tell you.”

 

“Okay…” Kara watched her sister burn a hole through her carpet, working herself up, trying to find words Kara knew had already been running through her mind a million times.

 

“So you know Maggie, the detective…”

 

Kara nodded patiently. “Yes, she was at the DEO when I was on the sunbed…” she tried to encourage her to go on like Alex did for her just a few minutes ago.

 

Alex stilled and looked at her square in the eyes. Kara never stopped to be amazed by the intensity her sister exuded. It felt like standing in the eye of the storm. “I kissed her after she helped me find you but then she rejected me and during the week you were gone she kissed me back and now I think we are together.” She said all in one breath. People always told her she had the tendency to ramble but Kara knew she got it from Alex, a nervous habit her sister had nearly successfully suppressed but Kara knew better. She tried to hide her smile, it was always nothing short of spectacular than to see her usually composed sister be so nervous and flustered.

 

Taking pity on her, Kara stood up and engulfed her in a hug, putting an end to her self-induced panic. “That’s great! Alex, I’m so happy for you!” She said excitedly. She felt her sister relax in her arms; hug her back as she breathed a little bit easier. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kara threw the question back at her with a smile; she let her sister go and urged her to sit down with her.

 

Alex chuckled nervously. “Well, a lot was going on at the time and you got hurt. It didn’t seem important,” she said nonchalantly, waving her hand like it was nothing.

 

Kara felt tears coming to her eyes. “Alex…” Her sister looked at her in confusion and Kara’s heart broke a little. “I know that me being Supergirl is not easy, especially on you. You always try to protect me the best that you can and I love you for that but what happens to me can’t overshadow what happens to you. I can’t… you are important to me and the thought of you being alone in this…”

 

Alex shook her head. “Kara… don’t! It’s not your fault. I just wasn’t sure and...” Alex tried to say but Kara could already see the tears gathering in her sister’s eyes.

 

“You are not alone.” Kara insisted, taking her hand in hers. “No more secrets.”

 

Alex nodded. “No more secrets.”

 

They exhaled a deep breath. Kara slumped back against the back of her couch, feeling suddenly exhausted. She felt like a mess. She looked at her sister who was in the same position as she was, an arm thrown over her eyes. Tonight had been a lot.

 

“So you and Maggie, uh!” Kara said nudging her teasingly with her foot.

 

Alex scoffed loudly. “You are one to talk; you’ve been banging National City’s hottest CEO, in secret.”

 

Kara tried to find something witty to throw back but couldn’t find anything. She shrugged a shit eating grin forming on her lips. “True. Do we high five or something?” she asked and raised a hand toward her sister to slap on it.

 

“Oh my god, you are ridiculous.” Alex laughed throwing her a pillow in the face.

 

Kara laughed. They talked the night away eating potstickers. They shared their story on their newly girlfriend and not really girlfriend and then went on what happened in National City and Earth 1. It felt like old times and Kara couldn’t be happier about it.

 

It was well into the morning when Alex asked the question Kara had been asking herself for a week. “So, what happens between you and Lena, now?”

 

“I… I don’t know.” Kara said. “We had an argument, well more like a huge misunderstanding when I was trying to stop her mother. And then I had to leave with Barry and you know, we haven’t talked since.”

 

“Please tell me you didn’t leave like that. I’m not the best at relationship but even I know you can’t leave like that.”

 

“Oh, no. I left her a voicemail. But I don’t know if it did anything good.”

 

“Text her.”

 

“What? Now?”

 

“Yeah. You won’t stop wondering until you talk to her. It’s like ripping off a band aid. You have to do it in one swoop. Otherwise you build this fear of pain in your head which is just plain silly.”

 

“Oh, that’s what Winn was complaining about and why he didn’t talk to me for a day when I took his band aid off. That’s… a really good metaphor.”

 

Alex hummed. “What was the band aid for?”

 

Kara got up and went to get her phone. “He cut himself while shaving,” she answered distractingly looking for it in the kitchen, then in her bedroom. Kara heaved a breath, exasperated. She forgot where she had left her phone when she left. She heard Alex snicker at Winn’s expense in the living room. Kara rolled her eyes. Sometime it was hard to tell if her sister and Winn were friends or not. Alex had a propensity to make threats when he was in the vicinity. She was sure her sister just enjoyed watching him squirm. “I can’t find my phone. Can you call me?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kara heard her phone in the bathroom. Suddenly remembering that it was where she was when she had left Lena the voicemail. She made her way back to the living room and faced Alex. “So, what do I tell her?” She gulped feeling nervous.

 

Alex looked at her skeptically. “Really?”

 

Kara shrugged a sudden wave of insecurity crashing down on her.

 

“You could tell her you want to see her tonight to talk… I don’t know.” Alex looked at the time and promptly left the couch to go toward her kitchen. “But we do have to go tothe DEO. You are in for a long talk with J’onn,” she said over her shoulder.

 

Kara groaned.

 

“Yes, come on. Go take a shower while I make myself some coffee. It’s going to be a long day.”

 

“Alright.” Kara went back to her bathroom begrudgingly. Phone still in hand. Before she could second guess herself she quickly sent a text.

 

_I’m back. Can I come over tonight?_

 

The response was quick and to the point. Kara smiled while she read it. She couldn’t wait for tonight.

 

_Yes. You did ask me to wait for you, after all._

 

 

Winn had been looking at her oddly during debriefing, like he was trying to contain himself from speaking. Alex had been giving her supportive looks while J’onn just glared at her while she recounted all that happened on Earth 1.

 

As soon as it was over, Winn cornered her, wiggling his eyebrows. Kara prepared herself to defend Lena’s honor when all he did was gush about a particles accelerator and asked if she could asked the CEO who was the person who designed L-Corp’s protection software. Kara chuckled and promised to try.

 

The day went by quickly. She went back to Catco, talked to James, a few colleagues who asked her if she felt better after that nasty flu while patrolling the city as Supergirl, recuing kittens, stopping an armed robbery… something she had missed in her week long absence.

 

Nightfall came soon enough and she was shaking with nerves. Kara didn’t want to go anymore and preferred to linger in the DEO, waiting for someone in need of Supergirl. Alex threw her a pointed look but Kara ignored her and went on to walking aimlessly again. It went on long enough that Alex took her by the arm and dragged her to an unoccupied room. “What’s going on? I thought you had to see Lena. The night is pretty quiet. It’s your chance.”

 

“What if it doesn’t go well? What if she doesn’t want me?” Kara whispered stressed and insecure. Alex looked at her with sympathy and hugged her. Kara forced herself not to cry.

 

“When Maggie rejected me. It was hard. I felt like an idiot. You put yourself out there, you feel vulnerable and it hurts when your feelings are not reciprocated.”

 

“This is not making feel better Alex,” Kara whispered in her shoulder.

 

Her sister laughed but held her tighter. “Let me finish. Whatever happens you have me, always. Even if it hadn’t worked out in the end between Maggie and I; I wouldn’t take back the first time I kissed her. The pain of not knowing hurts just as much, sometimes more.” Kara felt Alex take her by the shoulders so that Kara could see her face. “Sometime, you just have to take a leap of faith. ”

 

Kara nodded, feeling her nerves settle a bit. She squeezed her sister one more time to steal a bit of her courage and strength, before detangling herself. “Okay. I’m gonna go now.”

 

Alex smiled. “Go get your girl. Remember, band aid.” She said mimicking ripping off a band aid from her arm.

 

Kara blinked. “Right! Thanks, Alex.” She chuckled and promptly flew away from the DEO, directly to Lena’s balcony.

 

No more second guessing.

 

 

Lena was working on her laptop in pajamas looking all soft and relaxed. Kara didn’t think it was something she would have missed so much. The soft glow of her presence, the little frown she had every time she had to analyze a list of numbers, the downturn of her lips when she was lost deep in thoughts. Kara knocked gently on the window and felt Lena’s eyes focus on her, razor sharp and impossibly green. She feared her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Kara Danvers hadn’t known what it was like to fall in love.

 

She gulped as she watched Lena get up from her bed and put her laptop on her bedside table to come open the window. She was entranced by the way her shirt fell back against her ivory skin, the graceful movement of each of her legs, the sure sound of each of her step. How her face went from surprise to relief, anxious and then composed. It was like Earth had stopped spinning and everything around her had stilled midway into their course, lifeless while Lena was the only one moving, a celestial body hurling closer toward her. The kinetic force propelling her forward as she cuts her way through suspended time and space.

 

Kara held her breath. She wished she could hear Lena’s heartbeat over the sound of her pounding heart; anything that would reassure her that she wasn’t the only one feeling nervous. She wasn’t the only one to be scared as hell. She watched Lena put her hand on the handle and stop, just a few centimeters away from her, separated by this thin glass door Kara could obliterate like it was nothing if she wanted to. Lena suddenly met her gaze and Kara felt powerless. Was that what people felt like when they fell in love?

 

Lena opened the door and stepped aside to let her in. Kara smiled shakily and walked into Lena’s bedroom. She watched her close the door, the sound of the outside world drown out by the absolute silence between them only interrupted by the dull sound of what Kara assumed to be her raging heart. She felt like they were now the ones frozen in time when everything was revolving around them at an insane speed.

 

“Hi,” Lena said softly cutting brutally the silence. Kara felt thrown back to those phone calls, when she would stay awake waiting for Lena to call her, to utter that magical word so that she could come to her.

 

“Hi,” Kara was glad to hear that she sounded way more confident than she felt.

 

A week had passed and Kara wasn’t sure what to do. It had been easier when she had played within the rules Lena had set. It was like having a safety net. It had been fun to test the boundaries, to see how far she could push, how much she could get out of Lena before the CEO pushed back or stopped her altogether. It was like waltzing to different music but having always the same beat to ground them in the moment, to each other. Right now, there weren’t any music to guide her and Kara was too afraid to lean into a whole new dance.

 

She saw Lena’s eyes roam over her body, her eyes taking in Kara in her costume. Her eyes stayed on the symbol on her chest with a pinched expression. Kara gulped nervously.

 

“Supergirl,” she whispered wistfully.

 

Kara looked down at her family crest, something she had wore with pride and something she had used has a shield the last time she had spoke to Lena. “Sorry, I flew here directly and I didn’t stop by my apartment.”

 

“No, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize.”

 

Kara shook her head and looked Lena in the eyes. “I do need to apologize, Lena.” Kara whispered. It was weird, to be so close to her and yet, feeling so far away. It was like watching the moon revolve around Earth and wishing they would crash into each other. “ Okay…” Kara breathed a bit shakily, summoning the strength her sister gave her, trying not to think about being rejected. She had to remind herself that this was an apology. They couldn’t go forward without letting it all out.

 

“Okay, bear with me…” Kara chuckled uneasy and saw Lena wait patiently, kind eyes looking back at her. Kara closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She felt grounded again. “This is me ripping the band aid off,” she mumbled and then looking into Lena’s eyes, she let out in one breath, “I am sorry I deceived you the first time we talked about your mother. I used our closeness to dig information when I should have been outright with you. I knew I hurt you then, I could see it, and I didn’t stop. I am sorry.”

 

Lena lowered her eyes to the ground, her arms crossed in front of her chest. For the first time, Kara wanted to forget about the talking and just pick Lena up in her arms, feel her body against hers, bring down all the walls the dark haired woman used to protect herself. She wanted to find her way back to the passionate and kind lover who hid herself under the layers of lies people whispered to themselves at night in order to sleep better.

 

Lena looked back up and whispered her thanks. Kara mourned the brief flicker of emotion she saw in Lena’s eyes, gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

 

Now that the band aid had been ripped off, Kara found out she couldn’t stop the flow of regrets coming out of her, she let everything out of her chest. “I am sorry for what happened in your office. I was afraid and angry. I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have.” Kara continued, tears gathering in her eyes. “And I’m sorry I took you in my arms when you didn’t want me to, you pushed me away and I shouldn’t -” Kara stopped mid sentence when she felt Lena’s hand grip her arm.

 

“No,” Lena interrupted, Kara felt like she could breathe again. “Don’t apologize for that. It helped me. In fact, concerning what happened in my office, I need to apologize too.” Lena paused, looking out of the window for awhile. Kara watched the lights of the city reflect in her eyes and wished the twinkling in Lena’s eyes wasn’t artificial lights, disappearing as soon as Lena looked back at her. “I feel like we were both at fault, not because of what happened with my mother.” Kara saw her wince at the word. She gripped Lena’s hand on her arm. Tangling their fingers together, not letting go. “But because of the circumstance we put ourselves in. For months, I put you in a situation where we couldn’t talk openly. It showed when it mattered the most. It wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

 

Kara nodded and felt Lena try to detangle her fingers from hers but she didn’t let her. She already felt the emotional distance between them like a wall lined with lead, Kara couldn’t let Lena add a physical distance to that too. Not now that they were vulnerable and scared, holding on to something precious they both never believed in, something that took the both of them by surprise.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?” Kara blurted and felt Lena’s fingers twitch against hers.

 

She shrugged. “For the same reason you didn’t tell me you had suspicions about me.”

 

“We didn’t trust each other.”

 

Lena nodded. “I think some part of us did, but not completely. That’s the problem isn’t it? We never really acknowledged the other part that bothered us.” Lena said quietly, withdrawn. Like she had resigned herself to let unfold whatever was going to happen, like she didn’t let herself hope the result could be anything but positive. If anything, Kara felt like Lena was listing all the reasons being together had been a bad idea from the start. Lena sighed. “I did give Cadmus the kryptonite.”

 

Kara clenched her jaw but waited, if it was to end now; she at least wanted the full explanation.

 

Lena took a deep breath, steeling herself, looking as vulnerable and lonely as Kara knew her to be from all the nights they had spent together. “When Lex got arrested, the government tried to shut down Luthor Corp completely. Superman and everyone in Metropolis were in favor to close down the company, I was too, to be honest.” Lena chuckled humorlessly. It felt so wrong to see so much defeat in the person she knew to be ruthless and powerful day to day. Confident and assertive when they were together. Kara watched Lena slowly unfold and despite the matter they were discussing, or maybe especially because of that; Kara felt like Lena had never shined brighter.

 

“I was asked to step in by the government to oversee it but the few weeks I spent in Luthor Corp made me change my mind. There are good people working in this company Kara,” Lena uttered fervently, a fire burning in her eyes. “They have been for many years. I couldn’t be the one to take their job away from them. Something they used to be proud of before my brother went on his crusade and tarnished everyone under the Luthor’s name.” Lena said, her eyes begging Kara to understand where she was coming from, which Kara did. In fact, in following Superman’s footsteps, flying away from his shadow, being the change she wanted to make; Kara had done the same.

 

“To be able to keep the company alive, I took on the role of CEO and with Superman’s supervision, I had to relinquish all weapons Lex had designed with Kryptonite along with all the Kryptonite that were still in our labs.” Lena paused, Kara saw her clench her jaw and try again to take back the hand Kara was holding in her own; Kara didn’t let her. That only contact felt like the only tether that linked them to the other. Kara wasn’t going to let that go. Lena huffed and looked at her with steel in her eyes. “When you’ll do your research, you’ll find the Kryptonite tracing back to me. I gave it to the government and never thought twice about it.”

 

Kara nodded. “And then Cadmus went rogue.”

 

“Yes. I didn’t know my mother was in charge of it until my Team identified her on the videos of your abduction a week ago.”

 

“You didn’t have to stop her alone. I could have helped you.”

 

“There wasn’t time to have the conversation we have now when we needed it then. Besides, she already made you doubt me. I knew she would read you like an open book, I couldn’t have that for my plan to work; she had to be absolutely convinced that I had betrayed you.”

 

“I’m sorry for that too.” Kara whispered, feeling pain tugging at her heart, when she thought about what she put Lena through emotionally .

 

“Don’t be. I know how it looked like from an outsider point of view.”

 

A silence settled over them. They both took a deep breath after the overload of information they have just thrown at each other. “So you are Supergirl.” Lena asked, well it felt more like a statement than a question. However, her shot at levity was betrayed by the slight quiver in her lips.

 

Kara smiled shakily looking briefly down at her costume. “Yes, that’s me.” She finished lamely. Not really knowing what to say.

 

“How does it feel like?”

 

Kara grinned more genuinely. “Like being free.” She took a deep breath and tried to put into words what it felt like to be Supergirl. “I spent a lot of time hiding. Not because I wanted to. Everyone around me told me to hide. Forget about my power and live a normal life like my powers didn’t exist. It was lonely. It was painful to see people suffering and being forbidden to help them. Being powerless when I could feel all that power just waiting to be used.”

 

“What made you come out of hiding then?”

 

“It was selfish. My sister was in a plane that was about to crash. I couldn’t let it happen.”

 

“That’s not selfish at all.”

 

Kara shrugged looking longingly into Lena’s eyes, feeling her warm vibrating hand in hers and yet they hadn’t moved from that one moment Lena had gripped her arm. Kara didn’t know what it meant.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lena continued.

 

“I knew that you knew.” But Kara knew she wasn’t answering the question.

 

Lena huffed. “Is it because of my last name?”

 

“No. I… It’s ironic but even though my life is a big secret in itself. There are some parts of it that are not secret all.”

 

Lena raised an eyebrow. “So, I was your secret?”

 

“Yes. It sounds completely stupid,” Kara blushed embarrassed, “but as soon as I would have told you about me being Supergirl, I knew everyone around me would try to make me change my mind and then I would have to tell them I was seeing you and they would have tried to make me stop whatever we had at the time. I didn’t want that then.”

 

Lena nodded. “What about now? Have you told anyone about me?”

 

“I did. Well more like my sister found out when she hacked into your phone.”

 

Lena rolled her eyes, unimpressed.

 

“You knew didn’t you?”

 

“It’s a private phone; I don’t use it for business. So there is no way no one will get something out of it. But I like watching them try and consequently fail.”

 

Kara grinned, of course Lena had known. “She did it for the investigation and anyway, she found out and we talked about it when I came back.”

 

“What did she say?”

 

“She basically gave me her benediction. Don’t be surprised when you’ll find her waiting in your office tomorrow, though.”

 

Kara felt like everything was in the open now. Light shining on secret parts they hadn’t been eager to share and yet, she didn’t know how to move forward. Even though she was used to lead the charge as Supergirl but right now, looking into Lena’s green eyes, Kara didn’t know what to do.

 

Lena smiled gently, understanding and affection in her eyes. “So what is it that you want, Kara Danvers?” Lena was looking at her calmly, serene, with something like certainty; a kind of peace that had been absent before. Lena tilted her head waiting for her to answer and Kara knew then that Lena was waiting for her to make the first move.

 

Lena was giving her the choice.

 

It was like the ominous silence just before a Supernova. That unquantifiable lapse of time before a star caved in on itself and exploded outward into space. Radiating light and energy so bright it could be seen as far away as in a bedroom where Kara would have never thought that witnessing the twinkle in Lena’s eyes would be as sacred as watching the death of unattainable stars. Kara smiled and then laughed, a bit delirious. She used the hand she had trapped in her own to bring Lena impossibly closer to her. She cupped Lena’s face into her hands and pressed their foreheads together. Impossibly closer. Sharing the same space.

 

“I want to stop pretending I don’t want to kiss you right now.”

 

Lena let out a surprised laugh and tangled her fingers into Kara’s hair. “Go on then. I won’t pretend either.”

 

If they had been frozen before, Kara felt like they were now burning, moving rapidly through time and space, finally colliding into one blissfully drawn out kiss.

 

Kara laughed giddy. “And I want… I want…” Kara whispered on Lena’s lips between kisses she instigated herself, but not being able to stop. “I want breakfast with you.” Lena nodded and Kara felt like she had to kiss her again. “…And lunch too.” Lena smirked against her lips, encouraging her to continue. “And like maybe dinner too if we are not too busy…” Kara trailed off, distractedly.

 

Lena stopped and looked at her, lips swollen. “Are you sure what you really want isn’t food?” She said, eyebrow raised, a smile tugging at her lips.

 

Kara shrugged, blushing a bit. “Uh…, yeah but I can have you both now.”

 

Lena rolled her eyes and kissed her one more time before leaving Kara’s arms abruptly and the bedroom altogether.

 

Kara stood perfectly still, a bit shocked and quickly blurted an apology loud enough for Lena to hear. She cursed her dazed reflexes when Lena came back, an apple in her hand.

 

She blinked, confused.

 

“Don’t judge. I haven’t been grocery shopping for a while but now, yeah, you totally can have both, Kara.” Lena winked, wiggling the apple in her hand. Kara’s mouth watered at the idea; she pictured herself crushing the apple over Lena’s body, lapping at the juice falling on her chest, sliding toward her collarbone and then down on her stomach to her bellybutton, and Kara’s mouth running over bits of apples as she sucked the juice all over Lena’s body – Kara shook herself out of her daydream and squeaked something between a gasp and a giggle.

 

She stared bemused as Lena, thoroughly amused, took a bite of the apple teasingly. The sound thrummed all the way down to her toes. Kara took a deep breath before jumping, diving in wholeheartedly into Lena’s apple flavored lips.

 

Kara took her time. They didn’t have to hurry anymore. She didn’t have to wonder if tonight was going to be the last. On the contrary, tonight felt like the first of many more to come. She wasn’t as naïve as to think there wouldn’t be bumps and hurdles along the way but this proved to her that they could overcome them. As long as they were willing to talk. As long as they were willing to be vulnerable together. As long as they kept on choosing to be together.

 

As soon as they hit the mattress Kara stopped. She had missed this. How perfectly her body fit over Lena’s. Kara liked how her cape draped itself over their clothed bodies. They had all the time in the world and Lena was watching her with a contented smile.

 

Kara frowned, a sudden thought crossing her mind. “Just to be clear, how do we, uh, I mean at your office… when we see each other…” Kara stammered. Lena caressed her face, soothing the sudden burst of energy. “I mean, I am not… I am not going to pretend that I’m not utterly in love with you.” Kara exclaimed abruptly.

 

Lena gasped, stunned for a second before her features went impossibly soft. “Good. I won’t pretend that I’m not in love with you either.”

 

Kara smiled wide and enthusiastically showered Lena’s neck with kisses.

 

“So, where’s that apple now?” Kara mumbled against Lena’s throat, feeling the thin skin shake happily with laughter.

 

If Kara had known falling in love with Lena Luthor would have felt like the painful yet, satisfying breathlessness she felt every time she soared into the sky or like this incredible leap of faith that made her feel courageous when she was the most scared; Kara wouldn’t have hesitated. Kara would gladly keep on falling into her gravity.

 

As long as she gets to hold Lena’s hand every step of the way.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!  
> While last chapter was the end of Lena's arc, this one the end of Kara's and the wrap up for the story. I hope all the loose ends were tied. Thank you again for being so awesome and for following me along this emotional journey.  
> Take care!


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